The Power of Self-Awareness

Over twenty-five years ago I was given a piece of feedback from a stranger that changed my life.

Her observation and specific feedback weren’t the things that changed my life the most, though it did indirectly lead me to my husband and my decision to do the work that I do today. No, it wasn’t the specifics that changed me.

It was the newfound understanding of the awareness of myself. I was struck.

I was struck by how easy it is to think we are doing all the right things, and that we have the right perspectives, and the right motivations. That the situations in our work, our families, our health, our economy, our politics, or our businesses are responsible for our experience, our peace, or our happiness.

That first insight into self-awareness showed me that things could change when I changed. And that blew my mind!

It blew my mind in a REALLY good way because I had power over that.

I didn’t have to wait for anything outside of me to change. Suddenly, I felt like I could thrive versus falling into being a victim or a grinder as I had unwittingly been for so many years.

As I changed myself, my life changed rapidly. I’d figured it out.

That was until I realized some other parts of me were no longer serving me, like how hard I was on myself. How I used stress to drive and motivate me. How I associated my productivity with my worthiness and how many decisions in my present were based on things that had happened to me from years before.

Looking curiously at the parts of life that may not be working any longer isn’t always comfortable. There are times I’ve resisted. Slowing down is hard. We don’t take time to do the quiet work.

Recently I picked up Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search For Meaning, again after my friend Lisa mentioned she was reading it. The book is not as much about Frankl’s experience in the Nazi concentration camps but more about the source of what it took to survive them.

The point Frankl makes is that there are many things in life that are going to be what they will be. The good news is that we always have a choice — not of what happens but in our response to it.

For example, this last week brought the election of our next president. Half of the country is elated and the other half is disappointed. The good news is if you don’t care for it now, it will change. In the meantime, you have a choice. You can resist life or you can know that we always have power over how we show up to it.

As Victor Frankl tells us, we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it.

Things will change. Things will be taken from us. People will leave. Things beyond our control will happen. But we always have the choice in how we respond. No situation defines us.

The thing about knowing ourselves means knowing that our gifts — the parts of us that have been responsible for our successes in life — can also be the same parts when overused limit us.

These parts usually fall under our coping habits and when we don’t even know what ours is, then we can‘t possibly be aware of when it is getting in the way.

We are at a unique time when the modern-day leader, the ascending leader — and I don’t mean ascending by an advancing title — is being called to rise. It’s a time of emotional, spiritual and mental ascension. Some are doing what they are called to be a part of and some are not. It’s a choice we each have.

The reality is what creates a healthy family, community, marriage and organization are the self-aware leaders.

Why is this important to me?

What I’ve learned is that the more I’ve committed to my self-awareness, the more I’ve seen the impact on my family, my clients, and my teams. As I evolve, so do they. And that is the greatest gift and meaning of life.

So, what does this mean for you as a leader today?

It means taking the time to reflect. It means slowing down and asking yourself: “Am I responding to life from a place of awareness, or am I reacting from old patterns and habits?” It means leading not just with strategy or vision, but with emotional intelligence and self-mastery.

Our family, our team members, and our employees turn to us not just for leadership, but to model for them in the healthiest ways.

The world and life are ripe with unbecoming situations. Our ability to navigate them as an evolved adult instead of as a dysregulated child is essential.

Said differently, we each have a choice: to stay stuck in old patterns or to rise to the person we’re here to be.

Yes, I still have moments when I step out of my better self. I get impatient when someone’s feelings are causing me to be inefficient. When someone else’s request is in the way of my personal goal. But with self-awareness, I pause. The lag time between being provoked and my next compassionate response is shortened.

If you’re ready to step into your next level of leadership, I encourage you to make self-awareness your starting point. The peace and freedom you’re looking for—both in your professional and personal life—are on the other side.

As Viktor Frankl said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

All my best,

~Rita