The Must-Have Skill That Separates Highly Successful Leaders From the Rest

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

Do you think you’re a good listener? Most leaders do, but research shows that we only retain about 25% of what we hear. That means distractions and assumptions get in the way. But what if you could train yourself to become a 5-star active listener and stronger leader?

In this episode, I’m sharing powerful active listening techniques to boost your workplace productivity and strengthen your relationships in all areas of your life. Inspired by my conversation with Mary, a seasoned leader who masters and actively practices what it means to be an outstanding listener. By applying my BAN method, you can transform every interaction into a powerful and impactful conversation.

What is Active Listening?

Active listening is more than just hearing words. It’s the ability to listen to what’s being said, understand its message, and make the other person feel valued. Even if you disagree with what the person is saying, your acknowledgment creates a sense of powerful connection. 

Transformative Impact of Active Listening

But why is becoming a better listener important?  As a high-functioning leader you know you can walk and talk at the same time, right?  Not really.

Research has shown that active listening has a profound effect that can change both your relationships and your environment. When someone feels truly seen and heard, the law of reciprocity comes into play. They feel valued and respected, and in turn, they’re more likely to actively listen to you. This mutual exchange sparks better collaboration, reduces conflict, and supports a more productive, supportive, and trusting atmosphere.

Common Barriers to Active Listening

Even with the best intentions in mind, there are sneaky habits that often block our ability to understand. Here are the habitual practices that stop us from becoming better listeners:

• Multitasking: Dividing attention between the conversation and other tasks like responding to texts, cars, or emails.
• Pre-emptive Judgments: Forming counter-arguments and assumptions about what will be said next.
• Interjections: Interrupting with personal anecdotes or finishing someone else’s thoughts.
• Seeking Validation: Focusing on sounding interesting instead of being engaged and interested in the conversation.

Evaluating Your Listening Skills

Before diving into the techniques that can level up your listening game, let’s first take a moment and honestly assess where you currently stand. After all, you can’t improve what you can’t measure.

Grab a pen or just reflect as you go through the following questions. Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being = I don’t do this very often and 10 = being I do it very often:

• When someone’s talking to me, I think about what I’m going to say next to make sure I get my point across correctly.
• How often do you feel comfortable with silence and refrain from filling in the pauses in conversations?
• As I listen, do I compare the other person’s viewpoint with my own?
• Do I interrupt people when I’m excited by the conversation?
• Do I help people finish their sentences?
• If the other person is struggling to explain something, do I jump in with my own suggestions or answer the questions that I just asked them?

If your numbers are 5 or higher, know that you’re completely normal, and there is an opportunity to improve your active listening skills.

BAN Method to Become a 5-Star Active Listener

B – Be Curious

This is one of the most important qualities of leaders. Leading with curiosity and asking better questions to understand the speaker’s perspective. Instead of making another statement, make it a habit to ask 1 to 2 follow-up questions based on what you just heard. 

For example, my husband brought up a topic that at first could have looked like I needed to help him solve a problem. But because I was truly actively listening, instead of solving a logistical problem, I asked him how I could support him. This reduces assumptions and encourages deeper conversation.

A – Apply the 5-Second Rule

When someone finishes speaking, pause for five seconds before responding. One of the things that I recently noticed about my client, Mary, a five-star active listener, was how thoughtful and slow her responses were. She uses the power of pause and silence to create space for the conversation to breathe.

This intentional pause allows the speaker to complete their thoughts and shows that you value their words. It also gives you time to formulate a more thoughtful response. 

Now, I get it—five seconds can feel like an eternity, especially if you’re not used to it. But in this practice, you’re really reminding yourself to naturally slow down your pace, even if it’s not for the entire 5 seconds. 

N – Notice

Notice when you are not actively listening and drop the behavior, whether it’s putting away distractions, maintaining eye contact, or patiently listening without interrupting; these practices affirm that the speaker is valued and understood.

Implement Change

Your action step is to choose one aspect of the BAN method to focus on for a week. Whether it’s being more curious, applying the 5-second rule, or noticing when you are not fully listening, adopt this practice and observe the changes in how others respond to you.

Remember, the world needs more active listeners, and you’re the perfect one to begin it.

In this episode, I share how:

• Active listening can shape the quality of productivity and relationships by helping others to feel truly heard and understood.
• Ways to ban poor communication and be a better communicator.
• Assess and enhance your listening skills to make you a more impactful leader.

Resources and related episodes:

• Tune in to the previous episode, Four Simple Steps to Reset Your Goals Based on Your Ultimate Future
• If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
• Learn more about the Inside Out Method
• Connect with Rita on LinkedIn

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

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About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Inside Out Method, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.