What We Were Taught About Happiness That Isn’t True

Listen to the full podcast episode to learn about the science-backed practice that has not only changed my life but also the lives of countless people over the last two decades. This is something you can’t ignore if you want to achieve that great goal you identified for this year and write your new future.

What are you overthinking or trying to control right now that is getting in the way of your happiness today? What would happen if you let go of the overthinking and the control that too often hinders you? Recently, I had the opportunity to spend a week in Jamaica with my family, where I was reminded of valuable lessons from the people I met there.

In this episode, I share the message I received and provide you with an important tool to shift your energy towards living in the present moment and becoming someone who no longer must manipulate the world to feel ok but instead is happy even when things don’t follow the plan. In a world where positivity can be a struggle, let’s explore how you can improve your state of mind without relying on external circumstances.

Getting away with the family to connect

I recently returned from a vacation with my family to Jamaica. I was late planning the trip; I realized that with three kids ending school at different times over the course of an entire month and with very different activities scheduled, it was important that I get our fivesome to step away from our schedules, if only for a few days. 

I had been given the recommendation to go to Jamaica by a client who discussed the pros of a direct flight and the beauty of the island, and I jumped on it. As we approached our descent, I realized how little I knew about the place I’d booked, and reminded the family that we all needed to keep an  “open-mind.”

When we made it to the hotel, I saw that it was going to be ok. Everyone would be fed and have a clean place to sleep. Then I got the news: Jamaica was just beginning its rainy season. I looked at the weather forecast for the week. Yep. Rain was indeed forecasted every day, holy crud! I started to think about how I could navigate this.

Everything is a blessing

Every time we were at an activity, I’d ask the waitress serving breakfast, the men beautifying the landscape, or the staff signing us up for our tubing excursions, “Do you think it’s going to rain? How long will it last?” The response was always calm and in direct opposition to my own lower frequency.

On our second sunny morning when we went to rent the boat for tubing, I asked the same question of a Jamaican man helping us.  He had a grounded presence about him. He gave me his full attention. I asked, “Do you think it’s going to rain?  When it rains here, how long does it typically rain?” Then he looked up as if to check the skies — and slowly in his Jamaican accent said, “I do not know, but everything is a blessing.”

“Everything is a blessing.” He was right. For over two days the skies had been sunny, the weather beautiful, my family enjoying the adventures, and I was missing the moment. 

How often do we resist or try to manipulate things in our life — even the ones over which we have no control?  How much energy do we expend on living in worry about a future that may not even happen? And how much joy do we lose resisting what is. Certainly, if it rained there was nothing I could do about it.  

It took a few days to break my conditioned pace of trying to line up everything as I thought would be best.  I reminded myself that in reality, I have no idea what is best. How many times have I thought something ‘shouldn’t’ have happened, only later to find out it gave me EXACTLY what I’d needed and wanted from the start?

It turns out that the afternoon rains (more like torrential downpours) did occur. They provided a great chance for our whole family to go back to our living quarters and hang out — which was exactly the intention of the trip.

There are things that do not go the way we think is best — everyday. We miss flights. The project is not received well. We’re late to our kid’s baseball game because we didn’t see the time change. Then there are the bigger things like jobs ending, businesses faltering, relationships ending or we grow tired of doing what we’ve been doing.

Jamaican culture reminded me once again of the importance of slowing down and looking for the backdoor gift or alternative opportunity that is presenting itself.  I saw that savoring the present moment is a choice. That what I’d been taught about happiness isn’t true.  It’s not when all of my external circumstances align. 

The constant rush we often find ourselves in leads to unnecessary stress and prevents us from fully experiencing life’s richness. By adjusting our pace and letting go of attempting to control it all and instead trusting it will all be ok, we heal our nervous systems and create space for what truly matters. Life isn’t a race, and there’s no scorekeeper. 

The importance of embracing the moment

Throughout my conversations with the Jamaican people, I noticed their ability to stay present and appreciate life’s blessings, even amid struggles. They were evidence that life is as we choose to see it.  

Our perspective determines how we perceive difficulties. Whether it’s minor inconveniences or significant setbacks, there is always an opportunity for growth and gratitude. When we accept that everything is a blessing, even during tough times, we can tap into a deeper sense of happiness and inner peace.

What are you struggling with that in your mind is not going as you desire it?

I know it can be hard in the midst of going through whatever the struggle is, to feel happy. Let’s be clear, it’s not about lying to yourself or trying to fake yourself out. Instead, it’s about asking “What blessing am I not choosing to see? What opportunity am I missing?” 

So often our ego is running the show and telling us what it thinks is right. It’s inflated with its opinion. When we recognize that we have always been ok, we currently are  ok and that we will always be ok, we raise our state of mind.  

So how do we shift to a higher state of mind…

We can choose to see life as a blessing by embracing the present moment and quieting our noisy minds. 

We can take time for silence each day to allow us to harness our inner wisdom and navigate life with greater clarity.

We can prioritize our well-being and connect with our Higher Self in order to transcend the distractions of the outside world and find joy within.

We can remember that everything is a blessing if we choose to see it as so.

Happiness is not a destination but a state of being found within ourselves

I was reminded once again that happiness isn’t a faraway thing. It’s not complicated and hard to get.  Happiness isn’t only when it’s sunny, but can be had even when it rains. 

In this episode, I share:

• How every situation, whether it aligns with our desires or not, can be seen as a blessing.
• Simple habits to help find happiness within ourselves rather than relying on external conditions, rewards, or circumstances by spending time in silence, harnessing the mind, and not succumbing to the noisy world or one’s own noisy mind.
• A way to see challenges and struggles as opportunities for personal growth by shifting perspectives and being open to new possibilities, and as a result, we can navigate through them and find a better day ahead.

Resources and related episodes:

• Tune in to the previous episode, How To Hire a Strong Coach in Your Corner
• Listen to Leading From a Heart at Peace
• If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
• Learn more about the Inside Out Method
• Connect with Rita on LinkedIn

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts for more tips, tools, and inspiration to lead the optimal vision of your life, love, and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

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About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success, and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching, and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology that uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working, and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.