We all know that success and higher performance has to do with your mind and your mindset, but there is a difference in knowing that, and being able to apply and integrate that knowledge to effect outcomes. There is a difference between getting new information and adding it into your system, and assimilating it. We know the science, but how do we master the art of reprogramming our mind to work for us? That’s the topic of today’s podcast episode.

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

According to a study by BCG, 85% of companies have undertaken a transformation during the past decade. The same research found that nearly 75% of those transformations failed to improve business performance either short or long-term.

Why is transformation –personal or corporate — so difficult to achieve?

Among the many explanations, is that too much focus is spent on strategy and execution and not enough on overcoming the fears, insecurities and internal obstacles which keep us locked into behaviors that don’t work for us—even when we are aware of them.

Why?  Because most don’t know how to break through the old patterns and programming of the mind.   It is easy to understand the science, but how do we master the art of reprogramming our mind to work for us?

If you’re like the masses, you’ve probably become trapped working hard to make a change but confused, despite your efforts, as to why the progress is slow or non-existent. You’re not alone.

Most people are trying to make career changes or grow their business to the next level by relying on their effort and their hustle.  Most have made the decision to put in the hard work and grind it out because that’s what they’ve learned, and that’s what the experts have told them.

But maybe you’re already working hard, and you’re doing everything you think you should, and no matter how many new strategies, or new motivational talks you hear it’s not getting you further than burnout and exhaustion. This is frustrating because you’re smart, and you’ve had a decent level of success.

Your solution: re-program your mind to work for you.

In quantum physics we’ve learned that the physical world bends and morphs to reflect the non-physical world. In other words it means your thought creates. This isn’t opinion. This is fact. And not understanding and being able to assimilate the information, is what keeps too many repeating things in life that they don’t want or plateauing.

First, what do I mean when I’m talking about your subconscious mind? The best metaphor is the iceberg. The iceberg has 20% of it exposed above the water.  Think of that 20% as your willpower, conscious decision making and thought.  It is what we use to force or exert change. The bottom 80% is the part that’s unseen and that represents your subconscious mind. Like the bottom of the iceberg, your subconscious mind is actually the power house behind your life.  The truth is, the subconscious runs everything.

Just like when you drive somewhere and you talk on the phone, and then realize you’ve arrived at your destination without actively thinking or working on it, you can do the same thing by reprogramming your subconscious mind to effortlessly drive you to your goals without the will power, grit and force.

How do we reprogram our subconscious mind to work for us? How do we program our life?

The best and most succinct formula (AKA the ‘secret sauce’) to reprogramming your subconscious comes from a favorite teacher of mine, Jim Fortin.  Here’s his formula to reprogram the subconscious mind:

Consistent repetition of emotional imagery accepted as already achieved.

Broken into steps:

Step 1:  Consistent repetition.  Through repetition our brain creates new neural pathways which, in turn, process information differently. Anything we master is because we repeat it.  More specifically, brain research shows that things stick after about ten times of repetition. You can think or do something one or two times and it’s interesting. But at ten times, the brain wakes up and starts to dig a new neural pathway which is like a superhighway to a new habit or default.

Step 2:  Emotional imagery. The subconscious mind‘s language is emotional imagery, that is, the five senses; seeing, tasting, smelling, hearing, and touching.  The more visceral and emotional an image your brain can produce the more it can “connect” and become comfortable to make it real.

Step 3: Accepted as already achieved.  The subconscious mind, unlike the conscious mind, doesn’t know the difference between fantasy and reality.  It simply accepts whatever it is you’re telling it and seeks to make it true. Speaking to ourselves as though something is already achieved, exists or is true allows our brain to go forth and find ways to act that are congruent with that vision.

How do you apply this formula?  There are a couple ways but my favorite way which can be done on your own is an exercise I did 20 years ago.  I’ve used it ever since.  Write a movie which includes the three parts of the reprogramming the subconscious mind formula above.  Write as though your supersonic movie (interpret vision) in all categories of your life is already achieved.  Make it descriptive. Think Technicolor.   Through your writing you should be able to see, feel and smell it.

Then the next critical step: imprint the movie by reading and re-reading at least once daily.  Once you grow comfortable with your movie and take on the identity of it as though it is already achieved, your habits of behavior will became consistent with making it so.

A couple tips when writing your movie:  

1. Don’t be logical or rationale about what you tell yourself is possible for this next phase.  Answer the question, “What would I attempt if I could not fail and there were no rules?”
2. Write in the active tense (instead of future tense).
3. Read and visualize your movie each morning as a reminder to your brain of what to look for throughout the day.
4. Imagine what a person who already has achieved what you want does, thinks, feels, and behaves life.  Then operate with that same identify.

What you’ll find when you take those steps over and over is that your actions will be handed off to your subconscious. You’ll take those steps without thinking.  Because at that point, they’ve become a habit.

You’ll find new resources, suppliers, clients, partners, friends, money, opportunities, time, energy, and ease with change will be in front of you, because now you’ve trained your brain to look and see them.

Do the internal work of programming your mind first, and the external world will oblige. That’s how TRANSFORMATION works.

Resources:

• If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
• Learn more about the Inside Out Method

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology which uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

What are boundaries, why are they important? How do we establish them, and what do we do when our boundaries are pushed?

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

Boundaries shape our destiny. They determine what we accept into our lives and what we don’t. They are our yes’s and no’s.  Whether that’s in our families, in our homes, in our relationships, or in the organizations we lead.  Whether we have weak or strong boundaries it can determine the trajectory of our life.

What I’ve noticed is that despite their significance, our society is not good at establishing nor holding onto their boundaries when someone comes up to the line and attempts or does cross them.  Most recently I’ve seen this most demonstrated in our workplaces.

Last week I worked with three senior executives from three different organizations who asked me a very similar question. The gist of each question was that a colleague or colleagues had asked each executive to take on something that each disagreed with.

• One leader disagreed because the team had addressed the same problem with the same solution to no avail before.  He saw it as an exercise in futility and lack of imagination.
• Another felt that the direction ran against what the team had previously decided were their key initiatives in the next 3-6 months.
• The third had been asked to follow a party line he didn’t feel comfortable touting.

All items crossed what these individuals valued, believed or thought correct.  All disagreed with the requests internally.  But here’s the thing.  They all said “yes” anyway.

The question is why do we say “yes” when we mean “no?”

Why we allow others desires or values dominate our own?  The obvious reasons are we want people to like us.  We don’t want to disappoint, make people angry, or enter or further a conflict that already exists.

So, what do we do? We abdicate. We abort. We let people step over our boundaries. This cost is great. I watch intelligent and talented leaders become bitter, resentful, drained and frustrated because they are out of self integrity.  Self integrity is when what we say, feel, think and do don’t aren’t congruent.  Then we get irritated and blame others.

Too many smart individuals are letting others make choices regarding their life due to their willingness and ability to say “no.”  In short, they give their power away.  Often it is because we don’t have the courage or know how to say “no” with grace in a conversation.

Identifying your “Hell Yes” and your “Hell no.”

The key to holding boundaries is to know what it is you stand for. Not just knowing what you are against, but what you are for as well.

I hear people say all the time, I’m against adding more to my client load, I am against doing the redundant, I’m against non-productive meetings. But what I hear missing is what am I for.  You can’t hit a target you can’t see.

Think of this: if you could truly be excellent at only one thing, what would that be?  By knowing this, your future decisions are easier.  Know what’s most important right now.

Greg McKeown in his book Essentialism asks you to ask yourself, “Is this a hell yes or hell no?”

If we don’t know what we are for or what we want, it’s easy to say yes when we mean no. If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else is going to do it for you, and you might not like the way they do it.

So how do you move from being stressed out and struggling as a result of weak boundaries, to moving confidently and with ease by creating healthy ones?

First step, slow down.  I recall Oprah Winfrey saying long ago, doubt means don’t.  If you feel doubt, then don’t say yes. Instead, request more time to reflect and get clear.  One of my favorite Chinese proverbs is “Muddy water, let stand, gets clear.”

One practical way to slow down is to ask for more time on the decision.  You can say,  “I want to make sure if I commit that I can do it.  I need to get back to you before I can commit.”    Then ask this series of questions.

Second step, “Is this a true choice for me?” Meaning, am I making this decision because I think I should, or because I’m afraid someone won’t agree or like me? If it’s the latter, then ask yourself what is a truer choice? In other words, what’s the most honest and authentic choice – for me? Consider what brings you joy, what energizes you and fills your tank.

Step three, change your mindset.  Most of think of boundaries equating with elimination or loss.  Instead think boundaries equal freedom…the freedom to do what is important to us, the freedom to be who we are, the freedom to be committed to a higher level of relationship.

Research shows those who have strong boundaries are more loving than those who do not. They have more space in their life to show up and help others.

Take back your power. Detaching from what others think about us is not always easy, but indeed the reward is priceless.

Challenge yourself to define what you stand for and what you can say “no” to this week.  Enjoy the freedom at work and home that your “no” creates.

Resources:

• If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
• Learn more about the Inside Out Method

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology which uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.

What happens when it seems like things just can’t go right? Or when it feels like the world is piling on? What do you do when you feel attacked, perhaps metaphorically or even literally, by people or events or maybe even an institution? How do you not simply survive these experiences, but convert them and thrive instead? In this discussion Rita discusses what to do when bad things happen and shares her own recent attack. 

You can listen to the full podcast episode here, or continue reading below.

If you talked to me in January, I was smitten with a memoir written by Dr. Edith Eger, The Choice.  I’m inspired by  individuals who transcend some type of personal pain or hurt and are able to not only use it but catapult from it.

Edith Eger is a 90-year-old Holocaust survivor of the Auschwitz camp.  She’s often referred to as the Anne Frank who didn’t die, because both young girls were about the same age when they were deported to the camps. Edith survived and then became a psychologist to help others. In this book she describes her life before, during, and after her experience in the concentration camps.

The part that most intrigued me is what she uncovered on her ongoing road to healing from the atrocities she was exposed to.

Today we’ll discuss how to know when we may unwittingly be playing the role of victim. We’ll also discuss what to do when we know events or people have a hold on us, but don’t know how to extract ourselves from the feelings of victimhood.    

We can’t escape pain, but we can escape long term suffering. Pain happens, suffering is a choice.

Early in the book Edith makes the distinction between victimization and victimhood. She says there’s a choice between the two. Victimization is caused by circumstances, people, or institutions that are outside of us— things over which we have no control. Victimhood happens from the inside.  It occurs when we choose to hold on to our victimization.

We’re all likely to be victimized in some way in the course of our lives.  It can be the bully at school. It can be the raging spouse. It can be the abusive member of the family. It can be the lover who cheats. It can be an accident that happens to us. It can be an attack. These things happen.  It’s called life.

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No one can make you a victim but you.

But you have a choice of whether or not you are going to be a victim to these  people, experiences, or circumstances.

How do you know you are being a victim? And what to do so you are not held hostage?

One way to help yourself convert bad experiences is to ask the question, “What do I need to do to be at  peace if the situation never changes?”  The question beckons us to not rely on fixing the external environment, but instead to shift our internal story or interpretation of it.

At our most organic state, we are peaceful beings. When we leave that state, our job is to consciously break free and return back to that peaceful, centered state—regardless of circumstances.  It is only from that place that we are able to become the people we are here to be.

I have had bad experiences that seemed to happen one after the other of late.  People have asked, “Wow, how can you move through that? How does that happen to just one person? How do you traverse with grace and ease?” One of the most important paradigms of thinking that supports me to navigate when the world is piling on, is to trust that there must be some opportunity before me.  I believe everything is happening to support my evolvement.  These moments don’t always feel good, but there is peace in my faith that I am supported by something larger even in the difficult moments.  

The questions to convert your pain to meaning:

• How does this struggle have meaning?
• What is the opportunity, even in the difficulty?
• How, in a strange way, is this working out perfectly for my well-being?

This past January I was attacked by two men.  One grabbed me from behind and spun me around. It was then that I saw the second man with a face mask and hat.  I can’t tell you all of the details of what they said or did. My body had a very primal, instinctive desire for self-preservation.  I focused all my resources on screaming and being heard. Getting help was my only hope. Fortunately, I was finally heard by a another man who came running. The two attackers took off in a car.  

In the days and weeks since I’ve used these questions to help me heal and re-write what could be a story that could hold me in victimhood.  For example, I could begin making life choices for myself and family based on that singular event. I could tell myself that “my kids could be next.”  “This world is in bad shape.” “I must move from connecting with others to protecting myself from others.”

In my reflection, instead, I’ve found meaning in the chaos and it helps me step up and out. For example, through my own process of healing I am learning the power of the brain and how to re-train it at a deeper level than I have preciously known.  It’s been the catalyst for bolder living, deeper work with my clients and those I lead, as well as solidifying my direction and purpose. Knowing I could die also reminded me how temporary my time is here. I’m more present and give more hugs as a result.

I will not sugar-coat it.  I don’t believe in putting whipped cream on garbage.  The event was not positive nor easy.  I’ve had moments since where I am triggered and sent back to that frightening event.  I’ve screamed anxiously in front of my daughters in Nordstrom’s when a woman opened a bathroom door.  I’ve been startled and, in turn, scared two little old ladies who ‘snuck’ up on me in a parking lot. On more than one occasion I’ve been jolted and terrified by the shadow of my coat when walking alone.  I am still choosing for the event to be meaningful. Painful as it and the events after have been, I am stronger, wiser, and more loving today as a result.

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You must process your experiences.
You must feel your feelings.
You must never stay a victim.

Here are some things I’ve learned following the experience:

1. Your body is amazing at being able to protect you. It will send the message when it is compromised:  “ALERT. ALERT. ALERT. Send all of my available resources to get me out of this situation alive.”  If you’ve ever had that dream that nothing comes out of your mouth when you scream, I’m hear to share…it will.
2. Instead of asking “Why me?” ask “What now?”  We all have stories of victimization.  Ask the better question.
3. Never diminish or discount your pain. If you’ve ever said, “This isn’t the biggest deal, because another person is going through  something more profound than what I’m experiencing,” you’re still playing the role of a victim.  Never deny your pain.
4. Witness and feel your feelings.  Talk, write, scream, cry, shake, laugh. In short, practice releasing consistently and with repetition.
5. Time doesn’t heal;  it’s what you do with the time. Long ago, if there was a painful experience, I’d replay it over and over again in my head thinking that at some point I’d  numb out to it. That eventually it wouldn’t have such an intense feeling in my body. I’ve learned that doesn’t work. It is what we do with the time that matters. It’s how we take responsibility for our next action, healing the pain and re-programming the brain.

How do you know you’re being a victim?

• You’re focused on other people and what they’ve done wrong. We don’t need to fight our opponents any longer. We don’t need to prove that they are in error. Your attention is better served on creating what it is you DO want.
• You know you’re being a victim if you’re asking, “Why me?” Rather than, “What now?” What is your next empowered action? That is the opportunity before you.  Look for your options.
• You’re simply unhappy,  telling yourself it should be another way. Use that feeling of unhappiness as a messenger that it’s time for a new direction or change. In my experience, if something has happened, it was supposed to happen.

How to take back your power:

Declare, “I am taking back my power.”  “I’m in charge.” “I’ve got this.” Anything after “I am” is a powerful conductor and sends the brain a message that it is a new and different day; the vivid consistent repetition of this thought …accepted as already true… will elicit new and different behavior and a new and different outcome.

Bottom line: Do what you need to do and take responsibility for your life.  I invite you to make the choice to be free. The world needs the best you in play.

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“We cannot have a life free of hurt, but we can choose to be free, to escape the past, no matter what befalls us, and to embrace the possible.” ~Dr. Edith Eva Eger

Resources:

• If you’d like to be notified of when new podcast episodes are released, you can do so here: Playing Full Out
• Learn more about the Inside Out Method

Subscribe on iTunes for more tips, tools and inspiration to leading the optimal vision of your life, love and leadership. Remember, a half version of you is not enough. The world needs the fullest version of you at play.

___

About Rita Hyland

With over 20 years of experience as an executive and leadership coach, Rita helps leaders — emerging and established — excel in corporate and entrepreneurial environments.

Through her coaching programs, private coaching and masterminds, Rita shows leaders how to win consistently and create the impact and legacy they desire.

Central to Rita’s work is the understanding that you will never outperform your current programming, no matter how strong your willpower.

When you learn to use Rita’s proprietary Neuroleadership Growth Code, a technology which uses the best of neuroscience and transformational psychology to hit the brain’s buttons for change, YOU become both the solution and the strategy.

Rita believes if leaders were more clear about how transformation really works and more intentional about creating what they want, their impact, success and influence in the world would be unstoppable.

Her mission is to end talented, hard-working and self-aware leaders spending another day stuck in self-doubt or confusion and not contributing their brilliant work and talent the world so desperately needs.