“Your body can do more than your mind thinks it can.”  That was the line my 5:45 am exercise instructor said as we were in a deep excruciatingly painful plié with our imaginary two inch kitten heels on.

For non-ballerinas this means heels are up as you do mini-squats down and up.  This goes on for five minutes.  The Dailey Method program calls it “leg work.”  I call it “legs-O’-fire.”

It’s a good class for me because as a runner, I’ve been feeling the effects of not stretching all my life.  This class forces me to stretch physically and metaphorically.

The first time I heard my teacher say, “Your body can do more than your mind thinks it can,” I thought, “Is she kidding me?  This hurts like H@&%!”  I pulled out of the pose ahead of the others.

The next class she said it again.  “Your body can do more than your mind says it can.”

I wondered.  I wanted to test her “fact.”  Could I simply override my fact: feeling like a spike was drilling into both of my quads? I decided to try.

My legs shook.  My whole body quivered.   I muttered a few choice words under my breath.  She said hold it another 10 seconds.  I told my mind when it said “stop, now” that it was talking crazy talk.  “My body can do this.”  But how?

I thought, what if I just ‘let go.’  What if I stopped focusing on the pain? Stopped trying to control everything and let something else take over.  I did; I let go, and took my thoughts away from the pain and to my special imaginary escape image –the view from the Fairmont Kea Lani Hotel in Maui.

An amazing thing happened: I made it through the entire exercise.  On a physical level, my legs became stronger that day. On a more poignant level, my Spirit also became stronger.

I experienced the raw power of letting go and surrendering – something my driven, warrior-like self resists.

Since then I have become more observant of the other areas of my life where I hold myself back or stop early because my mind says I can’t do it.  I stall on my project,  I decide it’s too much work to put on that seminar, I think I can’t juggle my job and the extracurricular activities for the kids, I hold back so I ‘reserve my energy,’ I give up and agree with my mind that I can’t do it.

Einstein said our ego minds are to be the faithful servants of our Higher Self or Spirit.  But to do that we have to trust our Higher Selves.  Maybe our Higher Self can bring us a different way to accomplish the task, a way that we can make it happen. Too often, however, we lead from our minds, missing downloads of information, sparks of creativity, and answers because our mind isn’t even listening.

I invite you this week to come from a “new perspective” a more true, spirit-filled perspective instead of from what my teacher calls the little barking dog – the ego mind.

Ask yourself, “What if I listened to Spirit, what would I do?”  What would I explore, what lead would I follow or pursue if I didn’t think of my limitations?  What if I let my Spirit lead versus my head?  How would my reality change? Try it.  Let Spirit find you a path.  You may uncover an answer to something that’s been resisting you.  You may discover a new resource – inside of you.  Or you may simply feel lighter, freer, and happier as a result.  That kind of vibe is exactly where to start creating your beautiful life.

When we listen to the gentle guidance of our Spirit, our life flows and our mental and physical success follows.  It is a “fact” I love to prove to myself.

As I write this I am watching my daughter learn how to dive into the swimming pool for the first time.

My husband is a saint for teaching her. Despite her wanting to learn, she’s scowling, crying, and projecting her frustration on anyone in sight.

Yikes. Another belly-flop. (I am 20 yards away, and she just shouted that it is my fault.)

I understand. She’s a student.

There is a push-pull to our role of being student. We desire to learn. We want to grow, but it requires risk – the willingness to look foolish.

Being a student is rarely glamorous, often challenging, and usually uncomfortable.

Yet every day we all are called to become students again in order to live the great lives we are capable of living.

So how can we enjoy being a student more? Here are a few tips for you to try.

➢  Embrace it. If you woke above ground this morning, it means there is more for you to learn. Stop telling yourself you are behind. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. By not fighting reality, you will have the energy and enthusiasm to learn more and gain the confidence to soar.

➢  Be crazy curious. Life is strange with its twists and turns as every one of us sometimes learns. Know that there is a reason for everything. Be curious. Ask yourself, “What is this experience here to teach me?” “Why is this challenging situation perfect?” Your answer holds the key to your next step.

➢  Love the ‘rub.’ Life is not about getting what you want but who you become in the process. Look at the difficult experience today for what it really is — the salt that rubs the oyster so it can become the pearl it was destined to be.

➢  Celebrate! Too often we achieve our goal and don’t pause to acknowledge our growth and success along the way. In turn, we miss out on the best part. Celebrate what you learn and achieve. It strengthens your confidence to take on the next big growth opportunity.

“I did it! Did you see that mom? I really did it!” my daughter shouts as she gasps for air. It’s her first successful dive after hours of practice.

“I did see it! Whoohooo!” I shout back.

The little student becomes my teacher once again, reminding me to take the risk, dive in head first, and celebrate my wins -big and small.

Call to action: This week identify one thing you have been thinking about learning or doing but have held back on maybe because you have not wanted to look foolish or you can’t know the outcome in advance. Then take a quantum leap and decide to dive in.

Let me know how much fun you have once you do!

Surviving life-draining 14-hour days working tax season, having just enough change for the El to get to work, spending lonely nights with my cat in a studio apartment. That use to be my life. Thankfully, I learned how to turn those days around. I did it through years of self-reflection, reading books, attending workshops, and working with coaches and mentors.

I’ve come a long way since then. Here are my top ten life lessons that turned my days around and continue to shape my long-term thinking.

1. Own it. I used to believe life was happening to me: I was unlucky in love. When I took 100% responsibility for my dreary relationships, life changed. Instantly I saw the changes that I—not others—needed to make. Don’t wait for someone else to change or to save you. “If it is to be, it’s up to me.”

2. What you appreciate, appreciates. Every night my husband listens as I list the reasons we are the luckiest people in the world. We could focus on what we want to change, what’s not going well. I choose to focus on what I appreciate. What we focus on expands. Our focus determines how we feel. How we feel determines our decisions and actions which shape our outcomes. Begin and end each day with gratitude.

3. Confidence is key. Confidence means caring less about what others think and doing what’s right for you. Follow your heart, and it will lead you to your best you.

4. Taking care of yourself is Job One. No one else can do it for you. It’s not their job. Putting yourself at the top of your to-do list isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. Taking care of yourself first puts you in a better position to help others.

5. Know and ask for what you want. Too many people wait to see what they get. They settle, and then are disappointed. Know what you desire in advance, and ask. Design your request as it would delight you. Then ask for it. You will be astounded at how many “yes” responses you receive when you do. Practice the art of asking and receiving.

6. Today is the starting line. You wouldn’t go to yesterday’s garbage to make tonight’s dinner. Don’t choose to experience today based on yesterday’s problems and circumstances. No matter how bad your habits or decisions have been until now, if you change them today, you can have a better life tomorrow.

7. Giving feels like getting. There is no easier way to connect to yourself and life than to give to another. Give your smile to the woman in the grocery store, your thumbs-up to the fellow runner you pass, your talent to a charity, and your words of encouragement to someone at work or home who forgot how special they are. Connecting and contributing is the most fulfilling action in life.

8. Growing means taking risks. When I resist change my husband kids me by calling me his “change agent.” My life is based on moving people to change, yet I still resist it at times. Being fearful is natural, but getting beyond your comfort zone leads to growth and reward. Get comfortable being uncomfortable. Move ahead even when it terrifies you. You will be happy you did.

9. Give yourself a break. Too often I feel I need to do more, better, faster, sooner. Yet I encourage others to be gentle with themselves. Self-criticism sucks the good life out of you. There is nothing rewarding or motivating about self-reproach. Praise yourself the way you do others. If you slip, try again.

10. Be in the moment. There will always be more to clean, more papers to straighten, more emails to respond to, and five more pounds to lose. Forget all that. Be in the moment. Right now is the only moment you have. Live in it.

Bonus: Life is not about getting what you want. It’s about who we become along the way. Our challenges are often gifts in disguise, supporting our continual evolution to become our best and true selves. Look for the gift –even in chaos.

Send me your top ten life lessons — or eight or five or even one. I want to keep learning.

“Has anyone seen my wallet!?” I asked my three children as I fumbled through my purse.

“Your wallet is on the bed at Aunt Mary’shouse,” my eight-year-old daughter said matter-of- factly referring to my relatives home. We had just spent our spring break there.

“WHAT??!” It couldn’t be. I emptied my purse, I checked my over-stuffed carry-on, and I emptied my purse again. It was Saturday 5:10 am and the driver of the car I hired to take us to the airport had pulled over at a gas station because my two daughters were crying from motion sickness.

I called my relatives. They checked. “Yes, it’s here on the bed,” my aunt said. I felt my chest sink. “I’m on my way,” she said.

Arriving at the airport late due to the motion sickness, we had one hour before our flight would depart. I was alone with three kids and no identification in Richmond International Airport.

With more bags and car seats than hands, I wheeled our luggage in stages to the ticket counter.

Looking at the ticket agent, I said, “I am challenged. Can you help me?” With my two daughters crying, me on the verge, and my three-year-old son holding his teddy bear backpack and Woody doll, I told her my problem.

I asked if there were any flights later in the day. “No, not until Monday,” she responded. I stopped breathing as a recognized the severity of the situation. Returning to my aunt’s home and imposing on them for another two days was not an option I could fathom.

The ticket agent told me the bags needed to be checked no less than 30 minutes before flight. I said I understood. My aunt was on her way but had zero chance of making it by then.

There appeared to be no solution, but I kept the agent involved. While realistic I was committed to remaining calm and hopeful as I made her a part of my team. “What are the possible ways we could get on the flight,” I asked. I didn’t have an answer, but I could ask the questions to elicit her creative solutions. So I did.

Thirty minutes before the flight was to depart, I suddenly noticed the agent checking in my bags. She was talking to another agent saying, “Yes, we can do this without an ID if it is not an international flight and you are just going to Chicago.” OK! I was floored, and thanked her profusely. Without a plan we ran to my next hurdle—Security.

There I began, “I have a problem. Can you help me?” The TSA called her supervisor.

Suddently the TSA supervisor to strategize with me. “How can we do this,” I asked. I made it clear by ‘we’ I meant she and I.

She told me she could put us through without identification IF she had enough time to examine us extensively, but with only 22 minutes until the flight departed she wouldn’t be able to that..

“You need to get your ID,” she said. “Are you sure that’s our only way,” I said as though she and I were strategizing how to bring Apollo 13 back from the moon. I believed getting us on that plane had the same kind of odds. “Yes, it’s the only way.” She said it in a way that I heard “go for it.” She was cheering me on.

I had to find if my aunt had made it to the airport with my wallet.

That’s when my six-year-old threw up in the terminal. We went to the closest bathroom. She threw up again. She was crying. The stress level now ratcheted up again. I, feeling panicky, knew I had to remain calm and focused.

As we exited the restroom, my aunt arrived me with my wallet in hand. With only twelve minutes until the flight would depart, I grabbed the wallet like a baton at a track meet and ran back to Security, everyone following.

The line at Security was long. I needed to ask for more help. I asked a woman towards the front of the line if I could go in front of her. She looked me in the eye and said “no.” It was humbling, but I had to keep trying.

Other travelers raised their hands to offer us their place in line. It wasn’t enough.

Then the TSA supervisor appeared again. She instructed me to come to the front. She was direct, committed, and operated with urgency. I liked her. She was on my team. I did as she said. She put our bags through the machines. My three kids and I walked through the metal detector single file.

She handed me my bags and said, “Don’t put on your shoes. Just start running.” She then looked at her largest TSA and said, “John, I want you to take this bucket of hers and run with her as fast as you can.” John did as he was told.

The boarding pass read B13—the last gate.

With my oldest daughter leading the pack, my second daughter next to me crying, and me (shoeless) carrying my son, we ran. The TSA sprinted behind.

When we reached the gate I saw no planes connected to the airport. Then the gate attendant said, “Are you the Hylands?” “Yes,” I said. “I need your boarding passes. Your plane is right out there.”

I thanked both John and her from the bottom of my heart. Once I sat down on the plane I realized it was a team of nine that got me out of my crisis that day.

This is the point: When your problem is too big for you alone, ask for help. You may think I got lucky, but I believe I know how to get help– a frequent need of mine more often these days.

Here are the keys: Make people feel they are part of your team. Elicit their ideas and best solutions by asking questions. Respect them by letting them know you see ‘it’ in them. Remain calm, determined, and confident, especially during crisis so that your team models the same—then thank them profusely.

This week identify an area where you need help in order to succeed. Then build your team. The impossible becomes possible when you do.