End of Year Review: The Best and Worst of 2015

I’ve sent this exercise out for the past several years before New Year’s Eve, and each year I get requests to send it again.

I’ll make this short and sweet.

I’ve done this exercise for the past six years and since then every year I have grown my business, made a greater impact doing exactly what I love, improved the connections in my important relationships and been more peaceful and confident as I grow.

It’s helped me course correct, live my purpose, think bigger and take leaps I wouldn’t have otherwise.

The exercise is simple and won’t take long, but it’s powerful.

Use it now or set it aside for later.

It’s also a sneak peak into “It’s My Year” 2.0. on-line coaching course. (The doors open TOMORROW!)

Click here to create your unique success formula for 2016!

It’s the first ingredient in the recipe for a fulfilling new year!

We will hear a lot of the “new year, new you” message  in the upcoming days and that’s exciting, but first pause to look back at all 2015 taught you.

Enjoy your celebrations with family and friends!

~Rita

xo

Are You Doing You?

Lately, I’ve received a lot of questions about how to step up to your next level and get what you really want.

In my work as a Life Coach I receive many questions from people along these lines…how can I get paid to do work I love? How do I figure out what I want? How do I increase my income? How do I improve the relationship I’m in or attract someone who really loves me? How do I expand my community of friends? How do I improve my leadership at work and my parenting at home?

You might THINK these questions are technical ones about how to get what you really want in your business, your career, your relationships, and life, but there’s something more behind these questions actually.

It’s something I see a lot of people struggling with, and it has to do with something I call “doing you.”

I was introduced to this idea of “Do You” when I was thumbing through books in a store. I saw that Russell Simmons (the hip hop mogul) wrote a personal development book. It’s called “Do You!” I still haven’t read it. But I never forgot the title. It lasers the answer to an important concept.

So here’s the answer to those questions: If you want to take your career, parenting and relationships (read life) to the next level that you feel called to, you gotta “DO YOU!”

Why DO YOU? Because think about who people really want to connect with. Who do people really want to be led by, to buy from, to work or be in a relationship with or even be parented by?

The answer is: they want you!

It’s irresistibly attractive to ‘do you.’ It’s irresistibly attractive to be authentically you EVEN with your quirks and mistakes. Those things actually make us more real and lovable.

It’s not how clever we were, or how beautiful our outfit or house were, or if we got it all “right” at the company or parent meeting…it’s not.

If you want to live a life that matters based on how you define it, you absolutely have to put YOU into your career, relationships, your leadership, your parenting and your most important work.

Now here’s the rub: doing you can be scary! Because it involves putting ourselves out there in a really authentic, and often vulnerable way.

Follow me as I go deeper here. We’re usually ONLY WILLING to be authentic and ‘DO OURSELVES’ when we LOVE OURSELVES.

This doesn’t mean love ourselves when we produce a result, finish our project, get hired by the company, get to a certain weight, are affirmed by our colleague, client, or guest. No. It’s liking and loving ourselves REGARDLESS (and in advance)of these things.


It can be COMPLETELY SCARY to DO YOU, BUT you must know…it’s also COMPLETELY WORTH IT!

It is worth moving through our fear to boldly live the life we know we’re called, love with all we have in our relationships, and know we’re living a life that matters to us and others.

You want a way to start doing you now? In the next 24 hours, find two people, (your partner, direct reports, child, or clients) and tell them something real about you. Be more upfront, honest, and more personal than you’ve ever been with them.

Not only will you find ‘doing you’ completely liberating and energizing, you’ll likely be surprised by the ease, connection, and increase to your bottom line that ‘doing you’ elicits.

DO YOU is the answer to the question behind your question. It’s where your results, happiness and fulfillment begin…and end.

If you’re looking for more of a Roadmap to taking you to your next level, hop in and sign up for my 3-Part Video Series on The Life I Want Roadmap. It’ll be delivered straight to your inbox in three parts over the next 9 days!

Let’s finish the year strong and leap into 2016 bold and ready!

~Rita

P.S. In just a few weeks, we’ll open the doors to “It’s My Year” 2016! If you want to make sure you’re among the first to get the details AND an opportunity for a limited time BIG BONUS sign up here. I promise to let you in on all the deets soon.

Before Saying “Yes,” Answer Four Simple Questions

When I stood on the El platform after arriving at my stop in downtown Chicago, I realized I couldn’t move.  My breath was labored. I could see what I needed to do, but my body wouldn’t do it.

This was my first introduction to the concept of balance.  I was 28-years-old.

What I didn’t know then is that my body was shutting down. Fatigued from my over-extended life, my body was overtaken with infection.  I’d ignored it until I could no longer move.  I was put on disability for two months and forced to do nothing.  For days I woke to take pain medicine every four hours.  During that time I recall hearing a voice within me say…

“This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

This is not your destiny.

Take stock of your life, girl.”

So I decided I’d try to turn my life around.  And I began this quest to live a balanced life based on what mattered most to me.

Up until that point I had been what I call a Grinder. Someone who’s highly functioning and has a high threshold for pain.  I could push through almost anything to get it done.  Not good for a life of balance.

Since then I’ve studied what it takes to live a life of balance — a  life based on our own terms and values instead of someone else’s.

I don’t claim to be a master. I am, however, a master student of living a deliberate, growth-minded and self-aware life.

Here are four observations I’ve learned since then.

First is that in order to fix a problem we have to acknowledge the problem…and preferably before it becomes a full-blown disaster or crisis.  You don’t have to wait until your life is miserably out of whack before you take stock of your life.

Second, we must own that this is not happening to us.  We are co-creating it.  In order to move into lives of balance that are reflections of who we really are, we must take control and responsibility for living lives we love.  If we don’t take responsibility for designing lives we love, someone else will and we might not like what they design for us.

Many say to me when reflecting on their personal and professional lives, “I never really chose any of this.  One thing just followed from another.” Here’s the thing. Not choosing is a choice. Balance is a always a choice.  

Third and perhaps most important, we must unhook from others’ praise and criticism. I call this taking back our power. Clearly I got so sick because I was tired of me trying to please everybody and live everybody else’s life. The problem was I didn’t even know I was doing it.

Breaking the attachment to what others think about us is not always easy, but the reward is…priceless. Here are four questions you can use to make it easier.

I call this your Chiropractic Adjustment for the Mind.  It can be used daily at work and home to align you with your ‘right’ direction.

  1. Does this choice bring me joy?
  1. Is this a true choice for me? (Or am I making this decision because I think I ‘should’ or because I’m afraid someone won’t agree or like me?)
  1. What is a ‘truer’ choice? In other words, what’s the most honest and authentic choice?
  1. What will it take to avoid being angry at this person or situation? It’s our responsibility to say ‘no’ when we mean ‘no’ instead of manipulating another to like us and then be angry at them when we’ve gone against ourself.  Consider your breaking point your ‘Minimum Required Boundary’ or MRB.  Stick to it.

As a matter of course, I put my needs first.  If my tank is not full, I’m not going to be good for anybody else.

So if I am going to do anything… say yes to attending an event, agree to a new work request, or even go to a family outing, I ask the same questions.  The answers are simple.  I just have to follow them.

My fourth and final observation is there is no such thing as balance.  If we’re talking real, balance to me isn’t real. The word itself reminds me of scales and pie charts. Life doesn’t work like that. I do believe, however, there is a rhythm.

There is time when our work may pull us from our personal life or someone in our family is sick or our kids need us in a more substantial way for a time —and this isn’t balanced.  My work is slower in December than January and decreases in June and July.  It has seasons.  I recognize this.

We alone have to be responsible for the boundaries we set, and then make a plan to commit to them.

When we do, we live life on our own terms.  And nothing is as rich as  living based on what matters most to you.

Ever Been Stuck In Your Story? This Will Help.

I recall several years ago my husband leaving for two weeks to China. It’s not unusual travel for him now, but in the beginning of our marriage it wasn’t easy.

The first time he went we had an 18-month old daughter, and I was five months pregnant with our second.  It was winter. We had just moved to a new town.  I wasn’t excited about the move.  I was eager for my husband to return.

That night I cleaned the house and made a feast.  After I put my daughter to sleep, we sat down to talk in front of the fire.

I began telling him all the things I’d done while he was away.  The work on the new house.  How I took care of our daughter who’d been sick, entertained his mother, and kept up with my own business.

I waited for a response.  He said nothing. He simply nodded. Wanting more of a reaction, specifically of gratitude and adulation, I continued with additional details of the laborious past two weeks on my own.

Now I was animated and passionate. I wanted him to know the amazing dazzle that had occurred to pull it all off.  My husband’s response: “Were you able to get the water heater replaced?”

What?!?#@!  That was it?  No “thank you” or “wow, you’re amazing?!”  I was unglued. The evening I’d looked forward to was now ruined.  I went to bed.  I couldn’t speak to him for another 24 hours.  When I did, I came back  with this conversation.

“I realized when you didn’t recognize or thank me for holding everything down in the past two weeks, the story I was telling myself was I’m not doing a good enough job.  That I can’t keep all of this up.  I’m exhausted with the house, the pregnancy, our daughter, and my work.  I’m not doing anything well. I was afraid you don’t think I’m doing enough either.”

He said,  “I don’t know why you would tell yourself that.  You’re doing a great job.  An amazing job in all areas. I’m very grateful!”

Me: “Then why didn’t you say so?  Why didn’t you say something besides ‘did you get the water heater replaced?’ Why didn’t you say, ‘thank you’ or tell me I’m amazing?”

My husband’s response, “I was tired. I’d been up for 36 hours straight after being on an 18 hour flight.  I was so happy to be sitting in our new house with you.   I’d just eaten the best meal I’d had in 14 days. I kept looking at you, because I wanted you to know I cared and that I was listening.”

How many times have you done that?  Ruined a perfectly good time because of a story you were making up in your mind?

This happens all the time with our stories.  In the absence of facts or details, we fill them in ourselves.  Unfortunately, most often we fill them in with negative and fear-based thoughts…especially when we’re stressed.

The reason I’d been able to re-engage in the conversation from a higher place the next day was because I took a long drive and reflected.  It all got down to these two questions.

“What am I afraid of?”

AND

“What’s the truth?”

The answer to “What am I afraid of?” was simple.  I was afraid that I wasn’t capable or enough.

My answer to “What’s the truth?”:  I’m doing the best I can.  It may not be perfect, but it’s enough. I don’t need another to tell me I’m awesome.  That’s my own job. I already know it.”  I decided to listen to the truth.

What stories are you telling yourself specifically that are keeping you from releasing your brilliance today? What stories are keeping you out of peace or ease?

 Here are a few recent stories I’ve heard…

I have to be in the office to keep the organization moving.

My relationship with my spouse is what it is.

I have to take care of everybody in the family.

If I let go of my anxiety I’ll lose my edge.

I’ll have to leave the city to make the next career move I want.

I’m not capable of creating something that great.

This economy isn’t strong enough for me to make a move.

My age is getting in the way of me getting what I want.

I don’t have enough experience for that.

I can’t do that; I have a family to support.

That’s for smarter people with a background in x.

I don’t have enough time.

I don’t have enough money.

I’m not enough.

 

Ask yourself,   “Is the story I’m telling myself true?”  Pay attention and be curious of your story.  

If you feel stuck or uncomfortable with some area of life, there’s a good chance there’s a story you’re telling that isn’t working for you.

The next questions:  What am I afraid of in this situation?  What’s the truth?

When you calm your ego and answer honestly, you’ll be lead back to clarity and your next steps.  Even if the truth isn’t pleasant, you’re working with a real problem not a made up one.

Being honest with our story allows us to play full out instead of at a half-version of ourselves.

Remember you’re unique.  You’re talented.  And the world desperately needs the fullest version of you and your creativity at play! Have a knock-it-out-of-the-park kind of week!

~Rita

Your Reset Button When Work or Life Knock You Down

When my computer starts giving me lackluster or “wonky” results that I don’t understand or like, the easiest thing to do is hit the “restart” button.  Just yesterday I pushed it when my wireless printer went down.  One minute later—BAM! — I was up and running again.

Don’t you wish we could do that with life too?  That is, reset and start fresh when it feels like we’ve been knocked down?

I’d love it when I’m in the middle of a tough creative process and start questioning does this even matter.  Or when my kids are in pain and having challenges I can’t fix.  When I’m caught off-guard and something really unsavory pops out of nowhere. Or when something I’ve been counting on doesn’t go as expected.

Ahh…to have a reset button then. I’d hit it and the problems that previously appeared to need fixed, would seem to resolve themselves without working on them directly.

Well there is a reset button.  I’m sharing it with you.  I use it in my own tough times.  It involves ten irreplaceable perspectives.  They get me back on course faster, easier and more authentically than using my logic or sheer will power.

You may be familiar with them or they may seem game-changing. Regardless, the best question you can ask yourself is “how can I fully use and apply these in my life and work today? ”

 1. There are no coincidences. Everything is happening for a reason to support us in becoming the best version of ourselves.  Look at the difficult experience today for what it really is –the salt that rubs the oyster so it can become the pearl it was destined to be.  It can be really tough in difficult moments to own this, but it also opens us to breakthroughs.  What’s happening to you, is happening for you. Ask yourself, “How is this here to support where I’m going?”

2. You are EXACTLY where you’re supposed to be. Stop telling yourself you are behind.  Comparing ourselves to others is a common way we use to tell ourselves we are not where we’re supposed to be.  It’s also a sure-fire way to stay stuck because it brings down our ability to see what is great about ourselves.

Have you ever felt inspired after a healthy dose of comparison and self-criticism?  Probably not. We can’t write a new chapter when we keep re-reading the old chapter or being in a fight with the current one. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Keep your eyes on the life and body of work you’re creating.  Let others work on theirs.

 3. You are more brilliant than you give yourself credit for. Don’t wait for another to tell you who you are.  Or that they like what you’re saying or that you’re awesome.  You are unique.  You have gifts. You are loved. You deserve and are capable of a great life. Choose you.  Own how magnificent you truly are.

Unless you make the decision that who you are, your contribution and what you offer or do is valuable, no amount of time or work driving to your fullest potential will make a difference.

4. You don’t need “it” to be happy. Happiness is a state and you can change your state in seconds. I’ve witnessed a person move from a suicidal state to joy in less than a minute.  Take responsibility for your happiness rather than thinking someone else or material items, titles, adulation and power will do it for you.  They may provide a temporary high or rush.  The problem is when we lose the high, we need more of the drug (external things) to fill the addiction.  Happiness does not require a thing.  It’s an internal experience.  Celebrate your progress. Enjoy the journey.

5. Your life is a direct reflection of your thinking. (Your story). You create what you believe not what you wish.  The same that’s true for food is true with thoughts: you’ve got to put something good in to get something good out.   Be deliberate and conscious of the beliefs and thoughts you feed yourself.  Your thoughts and feelings are the only things you have complete choice over.

 6. You must be willing to put yourself in the spotlight and show your brilliance.  If you want to reach your potential and make the positive impact in YOUR world and THE world, putting yourself in the spotlight is exactly what you must do.  Be willing to be exposed and seen.

Vulnerability is the new strong.  It requires unhooking from other’s praise as well as their criticism. Yes, being vulnerable does mean that we will go through the discomfort and pain of being uncertain or even rejected. Everybody does. That’s a requirement to a life Played Full Out.  Breathe in and make peace with that now.

7. You can have it all based on what matters most to you. For most of us it’s unlikely we can be a brain surgeon, but do you want to be?  Probably not.  I believe, if you have a desire, you also are given the ability –if willing to do the work–to make it come true. We all have more resources than we realize. You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.

8.  It’s your responsibility to know who you are and become the best version of you. If it was all about us, we wouldn’t have been born with 6 billion other people on this planet.  We are each charged to know who we are and share our gifts, live fully, bring our A-game and make a difference in this world doing what we love. It’s not a “should.”  It’s a must.  It’s time to accept that charge. You are the hero of your own life.  Give yourself permission to play full out in work and life…and to make mistakes.  That’s the only way anything great was ever born.

9.  Getting the life you want begins with loving the life you have. Loving our life is a choice–not a fact. Gratitude has been proven to change our frequency and attract more of what we love. What we focus on expands.  You can’t be depressed and grateful at the same time.

After my father-in-law’s death, a really tough time in my family’s life, I realized that every day, I have a choice to find evidence of why my life is awful or why I am the luckiest person in the world.  Ever since then, I’ve chosen the latter.  It’s a powerful choice we all have.  This choice determines our destiny. Begin and end your day with gratitude—especially in the tough times.  It retrains the brain to expect and look for more goodness.

10. This time is the right time. Life is temporary.  It’s a terminal condition for us all.  Death is a great motivator for living. Every time I hear of a person dying, I am reminded to get on with living.  Our greatest gift is the present.  It’s all we have.   Choose NOW to start (or get back up  and continue) on whatever you’re being called towards.  Some complain that it will take five years to create it.  My response is that you’re either going to hit that age and have done it, or be that age and still want it. Which do you choose?  Begin now.

When we reset and lead from these paradigm shifts, we change our state, how we feel, our thoughts, our focus and our ability to unleash our potential.  They are the foundation to the present and future we desire.

Take a breath.  Reset.  Give yourself a hug. The world needs YOU to dust off, stand up and keep going!

Cheers!

~Rita

 

Your Reset Button: 10 Changes When Work or Life Knocks You Down

When my computer starts giving me lackluster or “wonky” results that I don’t understand or like, the easiest thing to do is hit the “restart” button.  Just yesterday I pushed it when my wireless printer went down.  One minute later—BAM! — I was up and running again.

Don’t you wish we could do that with life too?  That is, reset and start fresh when it feels like we’ve been knocked down?

I’d love it when I’m in the middle of a tough creative process and start questioning does this even matter.  Or when my kids are in pain and having challenges I can’t fix.  When I’m caught off-guard and something really unsavory pops out of nowhere. Or when something I’ve been counting on doesn’t go as expected.

Ahh…to have a reset button then. I’d hit it and the problems that previously appeared to need fixed, would seem to resolve themselves without working on them directly.

Well there is a reset button.  I’m sharing it with you.  I use it in my own tough times.  It involves ten irreplaceable perspectives.  They get me back on course faster, easier and more authentically than using my logic or sheer will power.

You may be familiar with them or they may seem game-changing. Regardless, the best question you can ask yourself is “how can I fully use and apply these in my life and work today? ”

 1. There are no coincidences. Everything is happening for a reason to support us in becoming the best version of ourselves.  Look at the difficult experience today for what it really is –the salt that rubs the oyster so it can become the pearl it was destined to be.  It can be really tough in difficult moments to own this, but it also opens us to breakthroughs.  What’s happening to you, is happening for you. Ask yourself, “How is this here to support where I’m going?”

2. You are EXACTLY where you’re supposed to be. Stop telling yourself you are behind.  Comparing ourselves to others is a common way we use to tell ourselves we are not where we’re supposed to be.  It’s also a sure-fire way to stay stuck because it brings down our ability to see what is great about ourselves.

Have you ever felt inspired after a healthy dose of comparison and self-criticism?  Probably not. We can’t write a new chapter when we keep re-reading the old chapter or being in a fight with the current one. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.  Keep your eyes on the life and body of work you’re creating.  Let others work on theirs.

 3. You are more brilliant than you give yourself credit for. Don’t wait for another to tell you who you are.  Or that they like what you’re saying or that you’re awesome.  You are unique.  You have gifts. You are loved. You deserve and are capable of a great life. Choose you.  Own how magnificent you truly are.

Unless you make the decision that who you are, your contribution and what you offer or do is valuable, no amount of time or work driving to your fullest potential will make a difference.

4. You don’t need “it” to be happy. Happiness is a state and you can change your state in seconds. I’ve witnessed a person move from a suicidal state to joy in less than a minute.  Take responsibility for your happiness rather than thinking someone else or material items, titles, adulation and power will do it for you.  They may provide a temporary high or rush.  The problem is when we lose the high, we need more of the drug (external things) to fill the addiction.  Happiness does not require a thing.  It’s an internal experience.  Celebrate your progress. Enjoy the journey.

5. Your life is a direct reflection of your thinking. (Your story). You create what you believe not what you wish.  The same that’s true for food is true with thoughts: you’ve got to put something good in to get something good out.   Be deliberate and conscious of the beliefs and thoughts you feed yourself.  Your thoughts and feelings are the only things you have complete choice over.

 6. You must be willing to put yourself in the spotlight and show your brilliance.  If you want to reach your potential and make the positive impact in YOUR world and THE world, putting yourself in the spotlight is exactly what you must do.  Be willing to be exposed and seen.

Vulnerability is the new strong.  It requires unhooking from other’s praise as well as their criticism. Yes, being vulnerable does mean that we will go through the discomfort and pain of being uncertain or even rejected. Everybody does. That’s a requirement to a life Played Full Out.  Breathe in and make peace with that now.

7. You can have it all based on what matters most to you. For most of us it’s unlikely we can be a brain surgeon, but do you want to be?  Probably not.  I believe, if you have a desire, you also are given the ability –if willing to do the work–to make it come true. We all have more resources than we realize. You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.

8.  It’s your responsibility to know who you are and become the best version of you. If it was all about us, we wouldn’t have been born with 6 billion other people on this planet.  We are each charged to know who we are and share our gifts, live fully, bring our A-game and make a difference in this world doing what we love. It’s not a “should.”  It’s a must.  It’s time to accept that charge. You are the hero of your own life.  Give yourself permission to play full out in work and life…and to make mistakes.  That’s the only way anything great was ever born.

9.  Getting the life you want begins with loving the life you have. Loving our life is a choice–not a fact. Gratitude has been proven to change our frequency and attract more of what we love. What we focus on expands.  You can’t be depressed and grateful at the same time.

After my father-in-law’s death, a really tough time in my family’s life, I realized that every day, I have a choice to find evidence of why my life is awful or why I am the luckiest person in the world.  Ever since then, I’ve chosen the latter.  It’s a powerful choice we all have.  This choice determines our destiny. Begin and end your day with gratitude—especially in the tough times.  It retrains the brain to expect and look for more goodness.

10. This time is the right time. Life is temporary.  It’s a terminal condition for us all.  Death is a great motivator for living. Every time I hear of a person dying, I am reminded to get on with living.  Our greatest gift is the present.  It’s all we have.   Choose NOW to start (or get back up  and continue) on whatever you’re being called towards.  Some complain that it will take five years to create it.  My response is that you’re either going to hit that age and have done it, or be that age and still want it. Which do you choose?  Begin now.

When we reset and lead from these paradigm shifts, we change our state, how we feel, our thoughts, our focus and our ability to unleash our potential.  They are the foundation to the present and future we desire.

Take a breath.  Reset.  Give yourself a hug. The world needs YOU to dust off, stand up and keep going!

Cheering you on to your personal greatness,

~Rita

 

10 Signs You’ve Found the Work You’re Meant To Do

I love summer reading. This summer as I head to the beach I’ve added the autobiography,  I Am Malala, to my bag.

I’m sure you remember her. She’s the young Pakistani girl who was shot in the head by the Taliban on her school bus when she refused to be silenced in her fight for girls’ education.

Surprisingly to many, she survived.

Malala spoke at the United Nations last year.  And at only 16-years-old she is the youngest recipient to win the Nobel Peace Prize. Pretty inspiring young lady!

But what amazes me most is how this young girl found her purpose and passion at such a young age.

On top of that,  if you’ve listened to her, you know she pursues her calling FEARLESSLY despite threats to her life.

Isn’t this what we all want? Not the threats on our life–but to know the reason we’re here and have the courage to do it?

Over the years I’ve helped 100’s of my clients dig deep to uncover their reason for being here and then take the leap to live it.

During that time I’ve identified the signs to know you’ve found your “what,” your “it,” your calling —so that you can have the same confidence as Malala you’re headed in the “right” direction for YOU. These signs take the guesswork out of it.  Here they are.

Ten Signs You’ve Found the Work You’re Meant To Do

  1. You’ll realize you’ve been doing it or training for it as long as you can remember.
  2. You realize you can begin doing it immediately. Yes, you may need another certification, but your natural gifts are already there. Whether your calling is designing homes, leading a global movement, authoring a book, healing, or even joining Doctors Without Borders, there is a way to begin it in some way –today.
  3. Crazy things you’ll call ‘coincidence’ or ‘weird’ will start happening.
  4. You’ll take what feels like a big leap and the next clear step will present itself. It will support you with exactly what you need in the moment.
  5. You’ll feel like you’re “home.” It feels that natural.  Your body may relax or get excited just thinking about it. No matter what, you feel ‘lighter’ and ‘freer.’
  6. You’ll never want to retire. Even if you inherited or made enough money to never work again, you’ll still want to keep doing it.
  7. You’ll notice and be grateful for the last ‘closed door,’ mistake or failure because it redirected you to something better.
  8. You’ll be surprisingly calm and centered even in the face of obstacles. At another time what would have easily had you anxious has you illogically calm and certain that you are still exactly where you are meant to be. It feels different; the sense of calm in the midst of chaos.
  9. Mentors and others who you need will magically find you with perfect timing. Proving the teacher shows when the student is ready.
  10. You’ll notice signs to keep going just when you think you should quit. The exact amount of money to pay a bill appears, an unexpected opportunity or client shows on the day you’re planning to close the doors, or a stranger in the grocery line delivers a message that speaks right to you.

OR, if you’re like my client the other day, when you hear your calling spoken to you, you cry. The truth makes you cry.

For me, I knew I’d found the work I was meant to do when I heard myself say, “I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I must. And I will work at it until I’m 90 to make it happen.”

Do you know what you’re here for? Are you listening to what’s trying to get your attention?

You can do it. It’s more doable than you might think. And, it’s important to the world that you show up for it!

How could anything be more fun than to love what you do and feel that it matters?

If you’re “fine” but want to identify the work you can’t NOT do by your last day, contact me at [email protected]. We’ll contact you directly within 24 hours to set up a complimentary strategy session.  There are opportunities to work one-on-one with me coming in September.

It’s your time!

Cheers to the next half being your best half,

~Rita

 

Ten Things Boot Camp Taught Me About Life

In my years as an executive life coach for driven professionals, executives, entrepreneurs and CEO’s of Household, I’ve noticed a common and frustrating theme.  I call it the Nagging Half-Version Syndrome.

It’s the sense, the knowingness, that we are not showing up to our greatest version of ourselves.

It’s a widespread longing to fill the gap between who we are and who we are capable of becoming.

It’s characterized by a gnawing feeling that we’re operating at a fraction of our best.

In short, that we’re not playing full out.

I call it the Ultimate Unrest.

So recently when I was experiencing my own touch of the Nagging Half-Version Syndrome (NHS), I signed up for a 14-day Boot camp with 25 other participants.

On that first day as I listened I realized self-doubt had not been reserved just for me.  Everyone had been dealt a healthy dose.

That’s the thing about a new goal.  We can’t be certain we’ll achieve it in advance so there is always fear and hesitation. That wondering will I make it and…”what if this goes terribly wrong?”

It turns out I gained a lot more from the two-week experience than a bigger bicep.  Here are ten lessons Boot Camp taught me about life and playing full out.

1. Sign up before you think you’re ready. Put yourself in the arena. Once you show up, your body and mind will help you get through. Deciding to jump in is the hardest part.

2. It’s hard AND you can do it. I’ve learned our body can do much more than our mind thinks it can. I made a mental note of that as I grinded out push up after push up.

3. Nothing more than the next step. In the midst of a difficult day, looking at the number of days remaining did not serve me.  It de-motivated me. There were moments where I couldn’t even look at that workout.  So I looked only at the next circuit.  That meant only the next 90 seconds. Make your next step small enough that you are willing to do it.  We can do anything for 90 seconds, right?

4. Use the Buddy System. It would have been easy to skip if I didn’t know my peers were going to be waiting for me. Whether you are trying to lose weight, start a business, or become a happier person, there is no substitute for having someone to share your journey.  A partner means someone to encourage you and hold you accountable.

5. It’s better with a coach. A coach is a cheerleader, a director, a strategist, an ass-kicker, keeps you on task and sees in you what you may not see in yourself.  She holds the vision when you can’t see it.  She guides you to the light switch so you can turn it on. She won’t let you quit. Mine did that for me.

6. Talk yourself up. I understand positive self-talk is quite possibly the most important skill the U.S. Navy SEALs learn during their training. The most successful SEALs may not be the ones with the biggest biceps or the fastest mile, but they know how to turn their negative thoughts around. I decided to try it during some grueling exercises. My mantra, “I can do this,” was invaluable.

7. Immerse yourself for a Breakthrough. Inches were lost and habits like an evening glass of wine were dropped. It’s easier when you’re immersed in an experience.  Knowing I would be back there at 5:45 AM the next day meant there was no wiggle room to fall off course.

8. Don’t forget to come up for a breath. We tend to hold our breath when we don’t want to feel an emotion. But breathing can release pain in a muscle and tension in life.

9. Playing Full Out = No Regrets. Towards the end of your life when you’re in your rocking chair looking back, you’ll want to know you lived life fully.  That you gave it your all.  That you won’t be one of the millions who dies with the Nagging Half-Version Syndrome. Playing full out is the antidote to the NHS.

10. Testing your edge is worth the cost. Moving beyond your current upper limit of success is worth the sweat, pain, disappointment and risk of failure. You don’t have to succeed every time. Just making progress brings happiness. I was reminded of this again.

On the end of the last day when our coaches said “you did it,” I felt a twinge of emotion rise up.

I’d pushed my edges. I’d taken massive action. I found I was capable of more than I previously thought.

We had a celebration. Then I unexpectedly received the class award for outstanding achievement in taking full advantage of each workout, each day, each theme and each challenge during Boot Camp.

Why would I ever NOT play full out? I wondered about the things in my life I have not tried because I haven’t had the confidence or was afraid of failing.

I realized that maybe the better question instead of “what if it all goes wrong?” is “what if it all goes right?”

I decided to apply these lessons to ALL of my life challenges and goals.

Because what I know for certain is…happiness is knowing you played full out!

Do You Need to Up-Level The Company You Keep?

Perhaps you’ve heard it said before: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

In 8th grade I made the case to my parents that I wanted to go to St. Ursula Catholic Academy and Convent for high school.

My dad thought I was crazy.

My mom was rightfully concerned about the tuition.

I just saw the opportunity to grow.

The school attracted the top academic students from grade schools across the city of Cincinnati where I grew up.

I didn’t just make a case to go there. I begged and pleaded with my parents to allow me to enroll.

By the numbers the decision didn’t add up. The tuition was more expensive (which I knew was a stretch for my parents.) The travel to school was longer. There were no boys. Others in my class weren’t attending.

What I’d realized early was that I could be at the top of my class at the ‘feeder’ school, or I could put myself in a group where I would be challenged and not be the best or brightest in the room.

I opted for the challenge. Fortunately, my parents supported me.

Putting myself in the company of those who would not allow me to settle for being less than my best beckoned me to show up, dig deep, take leaps, and fly in ways I otherwise wouldn’t have.

Today when I decide whether or not to join a group, I want to know not only that I can contribute but that

  1. I will be challenged to ask more of myself than I would on my own.
  2. Those in the group will not accept me settling for less than the best version of me.

If these two points are true, the group is for me.

If you’re wondering how you can put yourself in more growth-minded company, here are a few approaches to increase the average of your five.

  • “The Ask Up Approach” -Set up a meeting and ask for the guidance of someone you think is beyond you in talent, skill or success. Ask them to lunch. (Everyone has to eat). Ask them for ten minutes of their time. (It will likely turn into more.) Buy an airplane seat next to them the next time they travel! (Yes, it’s been done.)
  • “The Group Approach” – Join a mastermind group. If you think you can’t find one, create one. How? Simply ask 5-6 people you admire to meet once monthly. Your outline to conduct a mastermind meeting can be found here.
  • “The Coach Approach”– Meet regularly with a mentor or hire a strong coach. (For a coach with a proven track record of moving others to their personal and professional greatness, you can apply here. There are two spots available to work with me in June!)
  • “The ‘Yes’ Approach” – Say “yes” to an invitation you’ve been considering. You won’t ever be certain it’s ‘right’ for you until you try.

There have been times since that ripe age of fourteen that I haven’t used these approaches for fear I will fail, look foolish, or be disappointed.

But what I’ve learned since then is…

The pain of not knowing what you are capable of is far greater than the pain of growing…

Not playing full out is the ultimate unrest…

And by putting yourself with those who stretch you, you’ll always grow more quickly and with less pain than going it alone.

We aren’t meant to do it alone. So this Sunday I begin a 14-day Boot Camp with instructors who I know will push me beyond what I will ask of myself.

Am I scared? Hell, yes.

Afraid of getting hurt? Absolutely!

Thinking I’m out of my league? For certain!

Dreading pain? You betcha!

“Then why?” you ask.

I knew that in two weeks if I didn’t show up it would be more painful for me to not know what could have been, than any physical pain (interpret growing) that I endure in the class.

We change when it is more painful not to.

Put yourself in the company of those who won’t settle for anything less than your best. By doing so, you’ll guarantee you get a taste of your greatness!

xo
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My “I Love My Life” Movement

It happened at a popular Starbucks in Chicago’s Lincoln Park on a busy Friday morning as commuters grabbed their first cup of Joe before heading to work.

I heard four words I’d never heard before:  “I love my life.”

“Was that me? Did I just say that out loud?”

I turned to look behind me and the reaction of the seven patrons in line confirmed the answer was an unequivocal “yes!”

The words had spilled out of me.  (It was as if an alien had momentarily taken over my body.)

The eyes of those behind me seemed to talk, and the only thing I heard them say was, “FREAK.”

And I understood them.  I was thinking the SAME thing!

Who says they love their life?  I mean first, who really feels that way and if you do, who says it out loud?  The simple answer: freaks do.

If only I’d chosen to talk about Chicago’s horrifically cold winter, the crazy people putting furniture in the street to reserve a parking space, or the unusually long wait at Starbucks that morning…I’d have had a conversation going and possibly some new friends.

But I didn’t. Instead, I said, “I love my life.”

I felt not only embarrassment but also shame.

***

Fast forward.  I’m at an annual four-day retreat I’ve attended for the last four years.  The same individuals are in the room from previous years.  We’re asked to give a three-minute update on our year.  As I listened to others report on illness, divorce, betrayal and financial hardship, I told myself I could not share my love of my life in light of such pain.

And I didn’t. I shut down my voice and obeyed my inner critic who told me “you can’t say you love your life.  It’s not ‘appropriate.’  You’ll make others uncomfortable.  You’ll break up the group dynamic…you’ll be a freak!”

Then it struck me.

Loving life is a choice…not a fact.

Here me out.  I have challenges.  We all do.  I have kids that get sick in the middle of the night. The in-law that never stops pushing the boundaries. The projects that fail, health scares, family death, and then some.

But I’ve chosen to love my life with these challenges not just in the absence of them.

I love my life with its imperfections. These imperfections and challenges rub me to open myself to life, to have more compassion, and more love…if I choose.

In our society it’s not popular to love your life…or certainly not to talk about it.  It’s more common to focus on and discuss the gaps and inadequacies.

I believe we can do both.

As a life coach for 15 plus years I understand the desire to grow and progress.  My entire business is built on helping individuals fill the gap between who they are and who they are capable of becoming.  Inherently this requires looking at what is lacking.

But that’s where the focus on what is lacking ends.

When clients come to me they usually provide me with a list of goals they want to immediately start working on.  Instead, what we do first is clear up the drains and move the individual into a state of well-being, because it is from that state of well-being that other good things are attracted and created.

What my clients experience next surprises them. The unidentified ideal career change becomes clear. Time for their most important work emerges. New business often unexpectedly falls from the sky. Relationships that were once challenged begin to flourish.  And these things often occur with no “work” on the problem itself.

Why?

Science has confirmed what eastern philosophy has preached for thousands of years:  our brain when at positive performs and creates at levels that far supersede the brain when it is neutral, negative, or stressed.

What does this mean?

The only way to get the life you want is to love the life you have. 

We are called to love the life we have today with all its warts and perceived problems.

No, I didn’t always love my life.  I spent a decade worrying, crying, and fearing that I’d never get where I wanted to be.  Would I ever get married, out of debt, have children or find my passion.  I was miserable and from that misery I got more of the same.

The real problem was I focused on the problems.

The other problem was I thought I shouldn’t have any problems.  I’d wait to love my life when it was struggle-free.

The third problem was that I didn’t find nor embrace the meaning or “opportunity” that lied in the midst of my struggles and that supported my growth and evolvement.

The cultural myth is that we will be happy when we get “there.” The truth is our happiness lies in the process of creating, not arriving at the actual destination.

When we live with an “I-love-my-life” mindset we are intellectually, emotionally and spiritually rich and ripe to contribute at our highest levels.

Yes, struggles happen to us.  Some worse than others.  We all have stories.  What we do with these challenges and struggles is what shapes our destiny.

A friend of mine recently shared the story about her friend’s child who had been in the hospital with a life threatening condition for over a month.  While my friend was walking with the mother in the hospital corridor, the mother said, “you know, despite all of this craziness, I still love my life.”

This mother was likely in THE most difficult period of her life and yet she still possessed an, “I-love-my-life” mindset.  That’s a choice.

My mission is to help create a million “I-love-my-life” minds.

I believe when we begin with an “I-love-my-life” mind, we take the first step to become the deliberate, growth-minded, and spiritually awake leaders our world desperately needs.

It is from this state that we become the catalysts for positive and meaningful change in the world.

Imagine what the world would be like if 1000’s of people loved their life and shared that love with the world.

Imagine if it was refreshing rather than ‘freaky’ to hear “I love my life” in the Starbucks line.

As a daily reminder and symbol of my commitment to no longer hide that I love my life, I have made this bracelet to wear and share.

It reminds me that this life is a gift.  It is temporary.  And loving it boldly and unconditionally is a daily choice…one that can change our world.

Love your life…today…and shine on brilliantly, my friend!

~Rita

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