Perhaps you’ve heard it said before: You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

In 8^th grade I made the case to my parents that I wanted to go to St. Ursula Catholic Academy and Convent for high school.

My dad thought I was crazy.

My mom was rightfully concerned about the tuition.

I just saw the opportunity to grow.

The school attracted the top academic students from grade schools across the city of Cincinnati where I grew up.

I didn’t just make a case to go there. I begged and pleaded with my parents to allow me to enroll.

By the numbers the decision didn’t add up. The tuition was more expensive (which I knew was a stretch for my parents.) The travel to school was longer. There were no boys. Others in my class weren’t attending.

What I’d realized early was that I could be at the top of my class at the ‘feeder’ school, or I could put myself in a group where I would be challenged and not be the best or brightest in the room.

I opted for the challenge. Fortunately, my parents supported me.

Putting myself in the company of those who would not allow me to settle for being less than my best beckoned me to show up, dig deep, take leaps, and fly in ways I otherwise wouldn’t have.

Today when I decide whether or not to join a group, I want to know not only that I can contribute but that

1. I will be challenged to ask more of myself than I would on my own.
2. Those in the group will not accept me settling for less than the best version of me.

If these two points are true, the group is for me.

If you’re wondering how you can put yourself in more growth-minded company, here are a few approaches to increase the average of your five.

• “The Ask Up Approach” -Set up a meeting and ask for the guidance of someone you think is beyond you in talent, skill or success. Ask them to lunch. (Everyone has to eat). Ask them for ten minutes of their time. (It will likely turn into more.) Buy an airplane seat next to them the next time they travel! (Yes, it’s been done.)

• “The Group Approach” – Join a mastermind group. If you think you can’t find one, create one. How? Simply ask 5-6 people you admire to meet once monthly. Your outline to conduct a mastermind meeting can be found here.

• “The Coach Approach”– Meet regularly with a mentor or hire a strong coach. (For a coach with a proven track record of moving others to their personal and professional greatness, you can apply here. There are two spots available to work with me in June!)

• “The ‘Yes’ Approach” – Say “yes” to an invitation you’ve been considering. You won’t ever be certain it’s ‘right’ for you until you try.

There have been times since that ripe age of fourteen that I haven’t used these approaches for fear I will fail, look foolish, or be disappointed.

But what I’ve learned since then is…

The pain of not knowing what you are capable of is far greater than the pain of growing…

Not playing full out is the ultimate unrest…

And by putting yourself with those who stretch you, you’ll always grow more quickly and with less pain than going it alone.

We aren’t meant to do it alone. So this Sunday I begin a 14-day Boot Camp with instructors who I know will push me beyond what I will ask of myself.

Am I scared? Hell, yes.

Afraid of getting hurt? Absolutely!

Thinking I’m out of my league? For certain!

Dreading pain? You betcha!

“Then why?” you ask.

I knew that in two weeks if I didn’t show up it would be more painful for me to not know what could have been, than any physical pain (interpret growing) that I endure in the class.

We change when it is more painful not to.

Put yourself in the company of those who won’t settle for anything less than your best. By doing so, you’ll guarantee you get a taste of your greatness!

xo

Yesterday I spoke to a man who shared with me that he’s no longer enjoying his work.

He has a title, a big job, and hundreds of people he manages, but for the past year a dull anxiety runs through him.  Why? Because he knows he’s not playing full out and that weighs on him.

He confessed he left one job and raced into another never really clear of what he wanted.

He described it like this…”My 5 to 9 life is a ’10’ and my 9 to 5 is a ‘3.’ I’m smart, driven and can solve everyone else’s problems…but I haven’t been able to figure out what I want and do it.”

I asked him if he was ‘ok’ being in the same place one year from now. His response was certain…”absolutely not.”

If you’re like most people I know you’ve got compelling dreams you want to create.  Ideas to bring to life. People to help. Contributions to make.

The easy part is to want to create a change. The difficult part is to find and trust a process that will successfully take you from where you are to where you want to be.

You have the power and ability to be and do whatever you dream, however, most of your limitations come from within.

Internal blocks….as well as the requests on our time from the rest of the world…are what keep us from fulfilling our big dreams and fullest potential.

I’d like to help you by giving you the tools you need to make 2015 the year you get crystal clear on your greatest desires AND seize them.

If you haven’t heard, enrollment for “It’s My Year” Life Class is open and class is starting soon!

In this powerful live online seven-week program, you’ll discover:

• How to identify and define your BING goal and define your purpose in life

• How to transcend your limiting beliefs and move beyond self-doubt now (instead of years from now.)

• Effective techniques to help you stay motivated and out of overwhelm (often a result of the rest of the world’s agenda) and…

•  Follow through with a plan of what matters most to you.

Join me for this once-a-year training opportunity where we will plan your 2015 success journey and give you the tools, inspiration and accountability you need to achieve peace, balance, and the success you deserve in life.

Sign up for “It’s My Year” … an experience that can change your life.

I look forward to seeing you online and playing full out with you this year!

~Rita

P.S. The doors on “It’s My Year” are closing in just a few days. Grab a friend and a seat. Check out what past graduates are saying here.

P.P.S.  If you have any questions, let us know.  Our team will get your answers to you lickety-split!

Happy New Year!

It’s here! 2015! This is my favorite time to dream about what’s possible for our lives, our careers and businesses in the next 12 months!

I’m super-excited to kick off the year by sharing a powerful new video training series to help you create a year and life you love.

If you want to play full-out and ensure the best version of you and your life is at play this year…discover what it is you really want…think bigger about who you are and your contribution to the world… and experience your highest levels of impact, balance, contribution and fulfillment…check out this free video training videos series I’ve created with YOU in mind.

In today’s first video you’ll hear me share…

*three keys to progress you can’t move forward without

*four simple steps to answer “What’s my what?” and uncover your purpose and passion (with a unique twist)

*how to identify what you don’t want to give your energy to this year (this is an often overlooked but key component) and

*how to avoid being “prematurely practical” before asking for what you want…and then some.

Enough talking.  Sign up here to get the three videos and together we’ll create a year of things that have never been.

To your wild happiness and success in 2015!

~Rita

My website is getting a face lift! This isn’t any old website.  It’s ME…unabashedly sharing my voice and providing new free training and tools for YOU.  I’m excited to share it with you very soon!

During this process I’ve been called to dig deep to share what’s important to me. You know, those things I am passionate about and that make me tick.

It took some deep self-exploration (and more time than I thought) to answer who I am and what I stand for, but I did it.

I created my pledge to the world that I envision and to which I dedicate myself.

It’s not who I am all of the time.  It’s who I am at my core –who I am at my best.

It’s now my compass in my life that I can return to in times when life gets tough and I lose sight of who I am.

Here it is.  “The Best Version of Me” Pledge–the words I now live by and the legacy I consciously choose to create.

In the world I envision…

I am led by a vision that inspires me.

I live my true calling and support others to bravely go forth and do the same.

I lead from love with integrity, courage, and vulnerability and am quick to change when I see my fear-based thinking at play.

I own and use my power to fully do, be and have whatever I truly desire, never buying into the illusion that I am a victim to people or circumstances.

I tune into my intuition first to make decisions and to access the oceans of insight, wisdom, and creative solutions that lie within me.

I feel confident in having overcome “the-I’m-not-enough-trap,” never equating my worth to my results or seeking external approval.

I see through the eyes of abundance rather than the lens of scarcity, knowing and trusting that there is more than enough for all.

I commit to live as a model of inspiration to my children and other parents I encounter.

When I tell my children “you can do and be anything,” my children believe me because I have made them feel heard, valued, and understood demonstrating that I love, accept and celebrate them exactly as they are.

I encourage each person to own that they are “the special” – sent here to make a difference one person at a time by summoning the courage to share their unique gift even if it’s uncomfortable.

I surround myself with others who thrive outside their comfort zone and are energized by testing their edges.  Together we exceed the limits of our individual thinking and discover who we are and our true capabilities.

I remain present and ‘in the moment’ so you feel welcomed into my life, never wondering if you are an inconvenience or bother to my day.

After spending an hour with me, you feel more authentically you, believe in the strength of your spirit, see the possibility of your future, and feel greater joy in your heart, than when we began our conversation.

I never forget that life is short, and that my charge is to step out and live boldly, love richly, and create a life that matters.

This is the world I envision and to which I dedicate my life to call forth.

For this I know with certainty:

Each one of us has a unique reason for being here…

One person showing up at their best has a ripple effect…

The changes I make affect generations to come…

And it’s never too late to fulfill the best version of me!

Though not my only wake up call, this one got my attention.  I was sitting at Harpo Studios in Chicago to view a taping of Oprah’s Life Class for Super Soul Sunday.  A few weeks earlier my daughter had been interviewed and taped with eight other children by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, a child psychologist and author of The Conscious Parent.  Clips of the kids from the interview were going to be included in a discussion between Oprah and Dr. Shefali during Oprah’s Life Class. Topics included for discussion were how it feels to be a child, communication with parents, discipline and beyond.

A few weeks earlier I’d thrown my 11-year-old daughter’s name in the hat to be a part of this.   My daughter is very open and likes to talk.  She’s been raised by a life coach.  She got what it was going to be about.  I myself am always looking for anything that supports me in becoming a better version of me. It was a perfect match.

After the taping with the kids, the producer came out to say how fabulous Casserly had been.  “She was very open, forthcoming and shared a lot.”  “Great,” I thought to myself.  This should be—to use a favorite word of mine — “interesting.”

Before this day when I would see the show live-streamed, I’d received many calls from the Harpo producer.  She asked, “Are you feeling comfortable with everything so far? We need to confirm that your husband will be at the show.”  She called several times to confirm this last detail even though I’d learned that other husbands were not required to be present. Hmm.   “That’s odd,” I thought.

As my husband and I reached the studio for the taping of the big show, the producer sat down with us.  “Dr. Shefali really liked your daughter,” she repeated.  “She shared a lot.”  (Casserly had told me she’d spoken the most in the group discussion.) The producer went on, “We are going to put both you and your husband in the front row and have you both set up with microphones now.  We don’t want to tell you too much because we want your responses to be authentic.” 

She asked again, looking more at my husband now than me, “Are you ok?  Do you feel comfortable?”  The question only reminded me that I shouldn’t feel comfortable at this moment.  My husband said, “Let’s get this show on.”

I didn’t know exactly what my daughter had shared, but let’s just say I knew it would provide an opportunity for me to grow my parenting.  That’s what I had intended.  That’s why I had volunteered.  That, however, didn’t matter to my ego now.  At this point, minutes before the show was to start, my ego knew it was in for a large helping of ego-pie, and it was having a fit for bringing me to this point.  It felt like I was being led into the Hunger Games, but I was the only one who didn’t know it yet.

We took our seats.  The show began.  Casserly’s face came up on the large screen first, and she shared her feelings about not truly being heard. 

Oprah turned to ask me how I felt when I heard my daughter say this. “Are you surprised?” she asked.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t.

I’ve received whispers in my life that I am moving too fast, unbalanced, and that at times I’m not present even though I am there and talking.  While I give my best to my clients, sometimes only half of me is left and available for those closest to me at the end of the day.   I’ve realized this before.

The only difference this time was that I was getting the lesson on Oprah’s Life Class directly from Oprah, the ultimate life coach.  How much louder did it have to be?  Would I get my lesson this time?  These were the most important questions to me.

Dr. Shefali and Casserly reminded me that our children don’t need to be molded, controlled, shaped, cajoled, fixed, or managed, and we don’t need to solve their problems. More than anything what they need from us as parents is to be seen, heard, and feel like they matter so they feel empowered to do this for themselves.  Sometimes, as my daughter shares on the show, all they really need is a hug.

Taking the liberty here to use Oprah’s language, “some things I know for sure are…”

• I am a master student of conscious living and conscious parenting—not a master.

• We cannot be better parents or leaders until we acknowledge that there are moments that we make mistakes and that we can be and do better.

• Life speaks to us very directly.  We have to be willing to listen.  Some of life’s lessons are hard but only because we are hard-headed.  We can get a life lesson from a whisper or from a brick, our choice.  There are a few life lessons I’ve chosen regrettably to learn by way of a brick.  Being fully present in the moment is one of them.

• Our children are our greatest teachers, if we are willing to truly listen.

• Finally, we all want the same things for our kids and ourselves, but at times we don’t realize the way we’re going about is not working.  We remain loyal to ways that no longer serve us.  The good news is at the end of the day, we always have an opportunity to make a new choice.

Last week I came across a journal entry I’d written earlier this year.  It read, “Be on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday.”  Well, life had given me what I wanted and certainly what I needed once again.   No, it wasn’t how I planned it…I believe it was better.

The airing of this Super Soul Sunday Life Class is this Sunday, September 21st on OWN at 8:00 CST/9:00 EST.

I hope everybody who has children sets their DVR and watches.  The show has the power to change the way you see and parent your children.  It did for me.