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149: A 3-Question Practice To End Overthinking and Move Forward

Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode:149: A 3-Question Practice To End Overthinking and Move Forward

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Top Ten Reasons Why Smart, Forward-Thinking, High-Achievers Still Don’t Get The Business, Career, Money, Relationship and Fulfillment They Really Want

10. When attempting to get clear on what they want, they defer to logic for what is possible, settling instead for what they believe is their “level.”

9. They have a vague, blurry vision about what they want and therefore, get vague, blurry results; more certain about what they don’t want rather than what they do want.

8. They wait for a “better” time when they are more confident, more certain, have more time, or more money.

7. They suffer from “premature practicality.” While excited about focusing on what they would really love to do, be, or have in their lives, the “other side” of them is trying to figure out how on earth they’re going to get it. Too quick to figure out the “how,” they never get clearly focused on the “what.”

6. They do not ask for help, instead they think should be able to do it on their own.

5. Unaware of their internal blocks, they keep getting more of the same regardless of the different circumstances or new opportunities.

4. They suffer from a ULP (Upper Limit Problem). Despite wanting an improvement in their finances, health, relationships and career, they are not comfortable with achieving that level of success. They unwittingly push away the very things they want with behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that are unsupportive to their goal.

3. They stop too early, not consistent long enough in order to succeed.

2. They would rather play it safe than risk failure or rejection.

#1. They are unaware that LIFE ONLY GETS AS GOOD AS YOU CAN STAND IT!

 

https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rita-Hyland-1-line-blue-NOTAG-01.svg 0 0 Rita Hyland https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rita-Hyland-1-line-blue-NOTAG-01.svg Rita Hyland2011-09-29 18:45:462011-09-29 18:45:46Top Ten Reasons Why Smart, Forward-Thinking, High-Achievers Still Don’t Get The Business, Career, Money, Relationship and Fulfillment They Really Want

The “How-To-Figure-Out-What-You-Want-Guide”

Like most people, you probably want a more stress-free, fulfilling and passion-filled life—but are you aware of how to make this dream a reality?

If you could uncover what keeps you from the life you desire and figure out how to obtain it, what difference would it make to your work, your family and you over the next year? The next 10 years?

As many people know, it is not what you know, but rather what you don’t know that can hurt you. From my years in corporate America and through my coaching practice, I’ve seen smart, highly motivated professionals become bored, confused, unfulfilled and frustrated, because they don’t know what is keeping them from living their best life despite how hard they work at it.

From these experiences I have sifted out the seven biggest mistakes smart, busy and highly motivated individuals make, and I have provided effective time-proven tools to overcome them.

This week I’m giving you the first of them.

Mistake #1 Having vague, blurry vision and desires

“The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: decide what you want.” -Ben Stein

One of the biggest mistakes many professionals make is not being clear on where they are going or what they really want. No doubt about it, not being clear on what you want will guarantee you’ll never receive it. If your desires are vague, your focus will be blurred.

Many of us know what we don’t want but we aren’t as clear on what we do want. It is important to get really clear. If you’re blocked or confused about what you truly want, honestly assess what’s missing in your life. Is there anything specific you’re waiting for? Is there anything you aren’t noticing because it’s so obvious you overlooked it?

If you don’t know what you want, begin by exploring the following questions:

1. List all your greatest achievements from birth through the present as a way of acknowledging your power in action.

2. What gives you energy when you do it?

3. What part of your passion do you already have in your life today?

4. What do you desire now? Do not block, judge or censor the answer. Write it down.

5. If you had a magic wand and could choose exactly what you desired to be, do and have, what would you choose?

6. If money were not a consideration, what would you do in this world?

7. What comes so naturally to you that it doesn’t seem like “work”?

8. What talent of yours are you often complemented for?

9. If you could be rich doing exactly what you love, what would you choose?

10. What do you really want in your heart? Think big. Now think bigger.

Grab a pen. Spend some time on this exercise. Note: You can’t do this in your head. Writing it down increases its power by ten.

I’ll be back next week with the second classic mistake that costs high-achieving professionals in their financial, emotional, relationship, and spiritual bank accounts.

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The Secret the Hurricane Survivors, Richard Branson & Steve Jobs’ Really ‘Know’

Over these last two weeks I’ve been taken by the statements of survivors of the earthquake and hurricane, Richard Branson after the destruction of his palatial Necker Island home, and even Steve Jobs.

Their message is common and simple but seems to have gained more credibility in light of their latest experiences. Their message: Love your lovers (or those who matter most to you) and love your life–today.

Steve Jobs explains once your life has been threatened, death is “no longer merely a useful, but purely intellectual concept.”

Those who’ve experienced such tribulations really get it. Perhaps then, in a way, they are lucky.

I got to thinking, without having to experience my own life-threatening experience, do I “get it?” Does my life reflect that indeed now is the time do what I love full out, courageously, and as my heart and intution guide? Does yours?

One way to know is to ask the question: If today was my last day, is this how I would want to spend it? What if my last day was yesterday? Or tomorrow?

Steve Jobs says when he answers “no” to this question for too many days, he knows it’s time for a change.

What I know for certain from the masters of the ages, from the wisdom of the survivors of the last two weeks as well as from the experiences of my own unfulfilled, boring and frustrating days (oh yes, I’ve had a few):

You must love what you do daily. Never stop looking for it. Never settle. Then live it. And never stop.

Watch this thought-provoking and inspiring message of Steve Jobs in his 2005 commencement address at Stanford. Then read on.

Are you ready to re-commit to pursuing the life you love today? A life that goes way beyond, “ok” or “fine.”

None of us know when we will die. It is certain that we will. If you don’t love your ‘today’ when are you going to make sure you do?

If your passionate about doing what you love daily, I’ve got the perfect thing cooking for you.

I’ve got a FREE Webinar for you in September: “The Game Changer: Reinventing Your Life in the Next Six Months.” Keep you eyes out. I’ll be sending you the details next week!

Until then enjoy loads of love and passion!
Rita

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The 3-Minute Map-Making Tool To Clear Direction And Greater Ease

Do you have a map to create your hot marriage, career change, more profitable business, fit tummy, healthy family, or increased well-being?

We all need maps to get from where we are to where we want to be. You wouldn’t start driving to Idaho without one. Why then would you consider being without a map for your more significant desired outcomes and dreams?

After all, if you had a map, confusion, indecision and frustration would no longer pepper your day. Overwhelm would be virtually eliminated.

Overwhelm occurs because we don’t have one clear focus.

A map, like the one my clients and I have used and that I give you below, provide that focus you need to take clear action. In turn, your life moves from struggle to ease.

This quick hot tool can be used for any goal you set. I used it for the first time over 12 years ago when I decided I wanted to get married. Today I use it for creating a thriving home with my husband and three children and for building my clients businesses and lives.

Here’s what you do.

1. Take a sheet of 8 ½ x 11” paper. Turn it on its side.
2. Draw a vertical line one inch from the left side of the paper. Draw a second vertical line one inch from the right side of the paper. These are the banks of your river.
3. Draw a stick figure on the left river bank and under it write “me.”
4. On the right river bank write your goal, that is, what you want when you make it to the other side. The river is the area between the two banks.
5. Fill the river with rocks designated by circles. In each circle write an action to help you get to the other side.

For example, in my first map I created years ago when I wanted to create a relationship the rocks included: make eye contact, be open to men that do not fit my current profile, change my career to one I enjoy, take a trip, get a coach, change my routine daily, ask a guy to a concert, etc.

Each time I completed one task, I simply went back to look at my next. Oh yes, you have to act! But taking action is easier when you have that next step right before you.

I attribute this tool and other game-changing perspectives to me being engaged to my soul mate 18-months later. You can see why I have passion for having a map!

Here are a few rules to remember in creating your map.

1. The map does not need and should not be in order.
2. You can always go back to add other rocks or action steps. In fact, I encourage it.
3. Consider filling in the rocks like a brainstorming exercise, not a precise prescription. (You will need to use your inner voice to guide you along the way too.)

You’ve heard me say it before: HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY! Focus and consistent action are. Having a map keeps you focused on both!

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https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/3-minute-map-making-tool-clear-direction-greater-ease-rita-hyland.png.png 464 440 Rita Hyland https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rita-Hyland-1-line-blue-NOTAG-01.svg Rita Hyland2011-08-16 16:46:492020-04-10 17:36:09The 3-Minute Map-Making Tool To Clear Direction And Greater Ease

What Dare Or Leap Is Beckoning You?

In my business I never ask anyone to do anything I don’t do. It’s an integrity thing for me. I’m sort of a put-your-money-where-your-mouth-is type of gal. After all, people don’t do what you say. They do what you do.

How can I ask my client to dare to launch their new business idea, have a candid conversation in a key relationship at work or home, apply for their dream career, let go of a past hurt, speak before a 1000 people or bungee jump, in short –play full out — if I haven’t done it myself?

Taking on others’ dares means my comfort zone is constantly stretched. But I didn’t always dare myself.

Several years back I did an end-of-the-year review on my professional and personal life. I was gravely disappointed by one of my answers.

The question was: “Where have you failed this year?”

After some reflection I realized there wasn’t an area where I had failed. My chest sunk. I knew the point of the question: I had not stretched or taken enough risks during the year.

It was a pivotal moment for me.

A key part to growing is being able to fail and fail often. The only way for us to grow is do things that feel risky.

When we don’t take risks it means our Genius is withheld and our people, tribe, and world suffer. Practically speaking, it means our art is not enjoyed, our products don’t help people, jobs aren’t sustained, and lives remain difficult.

On a personal level, it means our life is never really lived.

To put ourselves “out there” means we must be “ok” that our ideas, decisions, writing, and products aren’t liked, aren’t rewarded or, even worse, are laughed at.

Can you handle that? I hope so.

I make it my personal business to get ‘comfortable with the uncomfortable’ everyday by challenging and daring myself to say what isn’t being said even if it’s not easy to hear or someone might not like me as much at the end of the day. I also have to be ok with being wrong and then adapting.

Am I scared? Often.  Like recently, sick-to-my-stomach-scared when I shared an idea that wasn’t popular. But I consider taking such dares the cost I pay to feel alive and contribute my best.

It’s best to get over the thinking that it should be easy to do this. It’s not meant to be. 

Perhaps Richard Branson sums it up best, “The Brave may not live forever, but the Cautious do not live at all.”

What leap or dare do you want to take? 

Whatever you choose, do it. Then enjoy the rush of knowing you played full out based on what matters most to you.

Rita

P.S. (No, I have not bungee jumped. I secretly hope I don’t get a client that needs bungee-jumping to experience his/her breakthrough. But then I would have the dare of my year.)

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How to Make Work-Life Balance Work

“If you don’t design your life, someone else will design it for you.” ~ Nigel Marsh

I’ve made some mistakes since I graduated college. One of the biggest was letting a well-meaning corporation design my life for me. I gave it permission. I own the mistake. Thankfully, I’ve learned the painful lesson.

Nigel Marsh, best-selling author and performance coach, gets at what he calls the “nub” of this issue as he discusses making work-life balance work. This funny Aussie does so in a humorous and spot-on video below. (You may want to watch it twice as you can’t help but laugh while you learn.)

If you are in corporate America or even if you own your own business, and you’re stressed-out and overwhelmed by the demands of the workplace, trying to figure out how to put the spark back in your marriage, have more meaningful moments with your kids and get to your exercise club, while you practice your daily spiritual rituals, this video is worth the 13 minutes it takes to view.

Here’s what I’ve learned since my time playing victim by allowing others to determine my life: Know what’s important to you. Design your life. Have boundaries, and get started.

Nigel says, start small. It takes a minor 3mm change in your swing to change the trajectory and placement of a golf ball. The same goes for your life.

What 3mm change can you make to bring balance into your day?

Perhaps you put the smart phone away as you dine with your family, ask your kid about the favorite part of his day, schedule and plan the details of a date with your spouse, mark your calendar for a lunch appointment with yourself to exercise or read your favorite novel.

Bottom line: Don’t put off everything when you can do something. And never leave your life in the hands of even a well-meaning corporation.

It’s neither their expertise nor job to know and do what’s best for you.

That’s an ‘inside’ job. Always has been. Always will be.

Watch this spot-on video now. Then let me know what you do to make work-life balance work for you.

>> WATCH: How to make work-life balance work | Nigel Marsh <<

Make your own sparks fly like the Fourth of July!
Rita

https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/make-work-life-balance-work.png 464 440 Rita Hyland https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rita-Hyland-1-line-blue-NOTAG-01.svg Rita Hyland2011-06-29 17:48:262023-03-12 14:48:36How to Make Work-Life Balance Work

How to Release Judgment and Exponentially Increase Your Peace

There’s one shift I’ve made in my life that has brought more peace than any other, and I want to share it with you.

About ten years ago, I decided to stop judging others.

What do I mean?

I consciously stopped talking about what would typically be described as the questionable behavior and choices of others. It not only didn’t work for me, it actually contaminated my peak state.

In short, judging others wrecked my peace.

First, when we judge another we exponentially increase the odds that we will experience the same event we are judging.

I learned this the hard way when I was struggling with nursing my first-born child.

Before then I thought everybody nursed their children. I quietly wondered and judged those who didn’t nurse their kids. After what remain the ten most difficult weeks of my life, struggling to nurse my first child, I became one of those I had previously judged.

We experience what we judge to learn compassion. You don’t have to tell me that twice. This experience alone could have helped me stop the judging game.

But besides avoiding being on the receiving end of that which we judge, there are other reasons to release judgment.

How much time would you get back if you stopped having conversations about another’s weaknesses or mistakes?

How much energy would you reserve if you didn’t dive into the story of another and why they are “so wrong?”

How much more positive would you feel about yourself, if you extended compassion to those who might know better, but aren’t doing better?

Have you ever delivered a rant judging your boss, colleague, family member, spouse, or tennis competition and then felt like you needed a shower because you felt so dirty? Do you ever really feel good about being ‘right’ in these instances?

Judging others eats at us like a highly toxic poison. It wreaks havoc on our mindset and emotions and leaves us focused on things outside of our control and missing any opportunity to be part of a solution.

One of the best pieces of advice I was given on this topic was in the form of a question: “If you’re in their business and their in their business, who’s in your business?”

The answer is simple: no one. Get back in your own business literally and figuratively. Obsessing with others behavior is our manipulative egos’ effort to distract us when we don’t want to do our own work.

Spot it. The next time you start to judge another for being greedy, selfish, lazy, insensitive, depressed, rude or afraid ask yourself, “Have I ever been (fill in the blank with your judging adjective?)”

If you’ve ever acted the same, you likely recall it was a time you weren’t at your personal best either. Perhaps you were afraid of something. Can you understand, even empathize, and extend compassion versus judgment?

Try it. When you extend compassion instead of judgment, you’ll find your body will relax. You’ll stay centered, restore peace and be able to hold your focus on creating your next masterpiece.

Now I am not always perfect. Recently I was being challenged with New York Congressman Wiener and his situation. So I used my tools:

“How am I like Congressman Wiener? Have I ever been addicted to something? Have I ever sabotaged myself? Have I lied?

The answer is “yes, yes and yes.” I’m addicted to sugar. I’ve certainly sabotaged myself when things were good. And yes, I’ve lied too. I’ve done it all on some level of the spectrum, and so I understand him and can choose to extend compassion to him. He is not at his best and highest self. I’ve been there. Have you?

What’s the point of releasing judgment? I feel better. I haven’t put more negativity in the world today by talking about it with others. I haven’t wasted my air, energy, and time.

Instead, I’ve kept my focus on delivering my gifts versus draining my resources and that pays dividends.

Bottom line: Releasing judgment is a gift you give to yourself.

To shift to peace when you find yourself judging, ask: “How are we alike?” rather than “How are we different?”

Remember, when you change YOUR world, you change THE world!

Here’s to more peace while creating your masterpiece!
Rita

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What MJ Jones Taught a Teacher

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Here Are My Favorite Tools To Figure Things Out

The past two years have been hard on everyone. Regardless of who you are or where you live, some area of your life has been challenged.

So how do you move forward when you can barely get through your day? How do you gain momentum when obstacles always seem to arise?

Perhaps, you want to expand your business but you ‘can’t’ do business development because you’re too busy working ‘in’ your business. You may want to improve your relationships and increase your quality time with your spouse and kids but you ‘can’t’ because of their extracurricular activities and your company’s latest initiatives. You want to pursue your dream career, but you’re too busy in the fog today to see your bright dream for tomorrow.

You’re frustrated because you feel like you’re trying, but you’re getting nowhere and have little confidence of things changing. Who has experienced any of these situations before?

The following five steps will help you when life has served you the proverbial lemons, and you are ready to make some lemonade!

1. Get real. Stop hoping for it to change, and stop trying to outrun your noticeable problem or to-do list. If you’ve been operating under the guise that your day is a race to be won like many highly functioning, driven individuals, this is a sign you’re working from desperation versus inspiration. The problem with this approach is it never yields a high return on investment. It’s time for a change. Next…

2. Slow it way down. This may feel counter-intuitive. It is. Just when you think you need to speed up, it’s really time to slow way down and answer the important questions. Are you in line with where you want to go? Are you clear of what is truly not working or are you mis-diagnosing the problem completely? Slow down to observe what is “really” happening. So that you can…

3. Diagnose the problem. Seth Godin identifies four reasons we are stuck. 1. We don’t know what to do. 2. We don’t know how to do it 3. We don’t have the authority or resources to do it or 4. We are afraid. Once we figure out what’s getting in the way, it’s far easier to find the answer. “Stuck is a state of mind, and it’s curable.”

4. Rid yourself of vampires. To what drama and minutiae are you attaching yourself that is unneeded, unwarranted and unnecessary? Vampires may take the form of people, old thoughts, negative patterns of behavior, or judgment of self and others. Be courageous. Change what you have control over and let go of the rest. Drop the list of have-to-do’s you never complete, the employee with no desire to change, the client who is less than your ideal, your criticism of where you haven’t gotten to yet, and any negativity you’ve chosen to hold onto until now.

5. Step away. Whenever I find I am in “too deep” to see what is not working, or I’m looking for the five-star answer when life throws me a curve ball, I step away. I often say “you’re not going to be able to think your way out of this one.” The problem is not going to be solved by continuing to stare at it and think it through. Rent a space, go to a spa, find a retreat in the woods, or borrow a friend’s cabin for a day. There you’ll be able to hear your inspired, wise self speak rather than your desperate, critical ego which has been leading you astray.

6. Make a courageous bold move. When we’re driving and we need to make a detour, we don’t turn the wheel slightly. We boldly and courageously make a sharp pull. What bold move do you need to make to course correct? For me, it was to take an additional day off work each week for the summer. The answer was not what my logical thinking mind would have said to do, but as soon as I said it out loud, I knew it was EXACTLY what was required for myself and family.

Bottom line: Don’t wait to find the answer: create it.

Here’s to a chilled glass of lemonade, hot summer-fun and a sizzling life!
Rita

https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/my-favorite-tools-to-figure-things-out-rita-hyland.png.png 464 440 Rita Hyland https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rita-Hyland-1-line-blue-NOTAG-01.svg Rita Hyland2011-06-07 16:05:592020-04-10 17:38:41Here Are My Favorite Tools To Figure Things Out

The Single Most Important Factor to Making Money

Lately I’ve heard a lot of people concerned about their finances and money. They are worried and afraid. This fear is generating a horrible stench of desperation which is further destroying actual financial security or the possibility of it.

What perhaps is most interesting to me (yet not surprising) is that the numbers in these worried people’s bank accounts vary from $176.32 to over $20 million.

Despite my thinking in my youth that there was a magic number I could hit that would make me forever financially secure, I was wrong. For as I have seen through my years of coaching individuals, even those who if they didn’t make any money for the next ten years would not be effected, can and often do choose to be worried.

One such young self-made business owner recently sat in my office rationalizing with me that despite having a very sizable bank account and a few million dollars of paid off properties, he would not feel “free” or financially secure until he paid off a relatively small amount on one of his last five commercial properties.

This was a man who had not been to college and at one time played guitar in bars for money. As we talked, he kept trying to prove he wasn’t financially secure yet and that the resulting stress was negatively affecting his marriage. (The latter part, I believed.)

After a few minutes of his one-way conversation, with no persuading by me, he recognized the failure in his logic and started sobbing. In a ‘light bulb moment’ he said, “I already am free.”

He pointed out, “I can sit outside of my workplace in the middle of the day with ideas in my head and the ability to make more money whenever I want it. And I know I can make more money if I need it.”

What he realized was that the number in his bank account never affected his financial security. It had and would always come from his awareness that he can get more money whenever he wants it. This is the same perspective shift necessary for anyone who really wants financial security and well-being.

Why is this perspective change so important? Because, when it comes to money, nearly all of us have learned to protect and motivate ourselves by creating feelings of worry, doubt, fear and even desperation. The problem with this perspective is that it nearly always limits our visions and cuts off our creativity for new means to creating more of it.

Right now the biggest mistake and worst approach with regards to money is “If I worry enough then I will stay safe and keep myself in line to move forward.”

Your internal logic may continue, “If I punish myself regularly for the past, focus on what I did wrong and what I don’t have, the self-flagellation might motivate me.”

Honestly how inspired do you feel to do anything after you have given yourself a healthy dose of criticism?

The problem is that in this space there is little room for creativity or inspiration to create more money or experience true peace.

If you operate with this approach you are also likely seeing the toll it takes not only on your bank account but on your health, happiness and relationships with your family and loved ones.

Many of you might be thinking, “Well I am not a millionaire and I have real bills, kids to put through college, aging parents who need care and a mortgage under water that needs to be paid.”

If you do, I imagine you have at least two or three months before you are without a home. If so, then you have enough time to find your way to add value and make money for doing so.

Here’s the real deal. In order to create true wealth you must master the art of providing service. Identify how you can add value in your current place of employment, your business, or strike out in a new direction to do so.

In summary, financial security doesn’t come from the amount in your bank account. It comes from your ability to get more of it when you want it.

Remember, what got you here is not going to get you there. In other words, continuing to come from your current perspective and approach is not going to transform your life and finances.

Here are four steps to change your relationship to money and to access immediate peace and power regardless of the number in your bank account today.

1. Add value. Wherever you can add value and make a difference in people’s lives, there is money to be made. Find your natural and most fun way to contribute and you’ll secure your financial security.

2. See the abundance that is already around you. If you have five cents in your pocket, be thankful for it rather than putting your focus on what you do not have. Where focus goes, energy flows. Therefore, be specific about where you are putting your focus. It makes a difference on your bottom line.

3. Stay inspired to create more money versus moving into fear and worry about not having it. (It’s amazing the strategies and creative solutions that come from inspiration versus desperation.)

4. Ask the question: “If I knew for a fact, I could create (fill in the amount) in the next three months, what value would I create and where would I exchange it?” Then lean in and begin! Progress is made by engaging not by thinking about it.

The bonus to this shift is that you don’t need the money, but it is fun to have the unique feeling of calm and peace in your life knowing you can get more when you want it!

https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/single-most-important-factor-to-making-money-rita-hyland.png.png 464 440 Rita Hyland https://www.ritahyland.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Rita-Hyland-1-line-blue-NOTAG-01.svg Rita Hyland2011-05-20 15:15:062022-06-06 11:17:54The Single Most Important Factor to Making Money
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Hi, I’m Rita!

I’ve guided individuals, leaders and teams over the last two decades through 1000’s of challenges —coaching them to build businesses and careers that thrive and lives they love.

Recent Posts

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    What My “Batcat” Taught Me About Healing and HumanityOctober 13, 2025 - 6:45 pm
  • Rita reflects on nearly saying no to a Machu Picchu trip, sharing why waiting holds us back and encouraging readers to act on what they’ve been putting off.
    Why I Almost Missed Machu PicchuSeptember 30, 2025 - 4:39 pm
  • Managing your inner game in uncertain times
    Why Managing Your Inner Game Is No Longer OptionalSeptember 1, 2025 - 5:59 pm
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