The Care and Nurturing of Meaningful Connection

As I headed into my hometown to be with my family for Thanksgiving, I saw a sign at the local cleaners that read, ”Until further notice…celebrate everything.” Amen, I thought. This year, has reminded me how temporary this life is.

While I drove I thought about the 41 individuals ranging in age from two to 82 who would gather around the table. There hasn’t been a year I’ve missed returning to be with them at Thanksgiving. To me it is home.

Just like any family we are a funny crew. We can’t possibly all believe, choose and do the same things. We all have different histories and stories and therefore different perspectives. We are in different seasons of our life. We have grown, experienced setbacks, missteps, pain and loss at different points and in different measures.

But despite these differences, we’re more alike than we are different. At least that’s where I put my attention. Others must too. There’s something that has so many of us returning as our families have grown.

What I’ve learned about family — and relationships in general — is that relationships run on rededication and recommitment. They don’t run well on autopilot. They require investment.

As I’ve moved between two homes and two states these last months, I’ve realized even more the importance of the care and nurturing of our relationships. That we must tend to them continually with love, kindness, and support. Like all living things, they will wither without proper feeding.

This year at Thanksgiving I knew we would all be feeling the heaviness of the loss of our beloved Uncle Ted around the Thanksgiving table. He always created a welcoming, compassionate, judgement-free zone. He seemed to know most people in life are just looking for a safe place to be themselves.

The truth is when we provide a safe place for others to be themselves and allow them to give that to us as well, we experience the true connection we all seek.

I’ve learned that our stories and the events in our lives may take twists and turns that pull our relationships in different directions, but we always have the opportunity to rededicate and recommit to them.

I am more aware than ever that one day these Thanksgiving celebrations will take another form. In the meantime — and until further notice — I will keep celebrating. I encourage you to do the same.

May this season be a time when we refresh the love and kindness we bring to each relationship, knowing that connection not only sustains us but provides us warmth on our coldest days.

Wishing you a season full of meaningful connections. I am grateful for YOU and our connection!

Warmly,

~Rita

The Power of Self-Awareness

Over twenty-five years ago I was given a piece of feedback from a stranger that changed my life.

Her observation and specific feedback weren’t the things that changed my life the most, though it did indirectly lead me to my husband and my decision to do the work that I do today. No, it wasn’t the specifics that changed me.

It was the newfound understanding of the awareness of myself. I was struck.

I was struck by how easy it is to think we are doing all the right things, and that we have the right perspectives, and the right motivations. That the situations in our work, our families, our health, our economy, our politics, or our businesses are responsible for our experience, our peace, or our happiness.

That first insight into self-awareness showed me that things could change when I changed. And that blew my mind!

It blew my mind in a REALLY good way because I had power over that.

I didn’t have to wait for anything outside of me to change. Suddenly, I felt like I could thrive versus falling into being a victim or a grinder as I had unwittingly been for so many years.

As I changed myself, my life changed rapidly. I’d figured it out.

That was until I realized some other parts of me were no longer serving me, like how hard I was on myself. How I used stress to drive and motivate me. How I associated my productivity with my worthiness and how many decisions in my present were based on things that had happened to me from years before.

Looking curiously at the parts of life that may not be working any longer isn’t always comfortable. There are times I’ve resisted. Slowing down is hard. We don’t take time to do the quiet work.

Recently I picked up Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search For Meaning, again after my friend Lisa mentioned she was reading it. The book is not as much about Frankl’s experience in the Nazi concentration camps but more about the source of what it took to survive them.

The point Frankl makes is that there are many things in life that are going to be what they will be. The good news is that we always have a choice — not of what happens but in our response to it.

For example, this last week brought the election of our next president. Half of the country is elated and the other half is disappointed. The good news is if you don’t care for it now, it will change. In the meantime, you have a choice. You can resist life or you can know that we always have power over how we show up to it.

As Victor Frankl tells us, we give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it.

Things will change. Things will be taken from us. People will leave. Things beyond our control will happen. But we always have the choice in how we respond. No situation defines us.

The thing about knowing ourselves means knowing that our gifts — the parts of us that have been responsible for our successes in life — can also be the same parts when overused limit us.

These parts usually fall under our coping habits and when we don’t even know what ours is, then we can‘t possibly be aware of when it is getting in the way.

We are at a unique time when the modern-day leader, the ascending leader — and I don’t mean ascending by an advancing title — is being called to rise. It’s a time of emotional, spiritual and mental ascension. Some are doing what they are called to be a part of and some are not. It’s a choice we each have.

The reality is what creates a healthy family, community, marriage and organization are the self-aware leaders.

Why is this important to me?

What I’ve learned is that the more I’ve committed to my self-awareness, the more I’ve seen the impact on my family, my clients, and my teams. As I evolve, so do they. And that is the greatest gift and meaning of life.

So, what does this mean for you as a leader today?

It means taking the time to reflect. It means slowing down and asking yourself: “Am I responding to life from a place of awareness, or am I reacting from old patterns and habits?” It means leading not just with strategy or vision, but with emotional intelligence and self-mastery.

Our family, our team members, and our employees turn to us not just for leadership, but to model for them in the healthiest ways.

The world and life are ripe with unbecoming situations. Our ability to navigate them as an evolved adult instead of as a dysregulated child is essential.

Said differently, we each have a choice: to stay stuck in old patterns or to rise to the person we’re here to be.

Yes, I still have moments when I step out of my better self. I get impatient when someone’s feelings are causing me to be inefficient. When someone else’s request is in the way of my personal goal. But with self-awareness, I pause. The lag time between being provoked and my next compassionate response is shortened.

If you’re ready to step into your next level of leadership, I encourage you to make self-awareness your starting point. The peace and freedom you’re looking for—both in your professional and personal life—are on the other side.

As Viktor Frankl said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

All my best,

~Rita

Worthy of New Beginnings

I want to share a piece of wisdom I heard years ago that has stuck with me: “You cannot live your ideal life with your inner control freak in charge.”

It’s a simple yet profound truth that has been more relevant for me lately than I care to admit.

Busy achievers often don’t see themselves as controlling. We believe we’re just doing what needs to be done—achieving goals, performing at work, ensuring our families are safe and thriving.

But I’ve noticed something within myself: when plans don’t go my way, I tighten my grip instead of letting go. “This is how it should be,” I tell myself, resisting the flow of life.

Here’s the thing: life is brimming with infinite opportunities, people, places, career paths and experiences. Our rigid plans often blind us to the myriad possibilities surrounding us. We’re scratching the surface, while incredible realities hover just out of reach, waiting for us to claim them.

A soon to be empty-nester recently confided, “This isn’t where I planned to be. I didn’t expect it to be this way.” It’s a sentiment many have shared with me lately for a variety of reasons. This feeling is amplified by the belief that everyone else has a plan when ours has fallen apart.

But a perspective I embraced long ago is that if something isn’t happening, it’s not meant to be happening — at least not for now. Something else is better. Something that’s meant to expand us, something we can’t see yet.

Letting go of our plans can be incredibly challenging. The more someone tells me “no,” the more my subconscious mind wants to assert control. It’s usually because the unknown alternative scares me, pushing me out of my comfort zone.

I once bought a card I spotted in line at the grocery store with a simple but powerful message: “Sometimes good things fall apart so great things can come together.” I’ve held onto it for years, not because there hasn’t been someone who could benefit from its message, but because it’s a tough pill to swallow when your life plan goes awry. Despite its truth, it’s not a message I want to hear the moment my apple cart is turned over. It remains in my card drawer.

What I’ve learned time and again is that sometimes the very part of us that has helped us survive—by taking charge, planning the future, and driving determinedly according to plan—can be the same part that limits us from the awesome and infinite possibilities that we can’t yet see.

It can be difficult. The determination, drive, commitment and — dare I say — control that have helped us are now being beckoned to soften and rebalance in order to experience an awesome future. We’re being called to loosen our grip, let go, and trust.

What I am saying is that for many of us at this point in our lives, we are noticing a reassembling of our programs, stories and nervous systems. And on cue — as growth does — it rarely feels good.

The reality is life has a way of surprising us with illness, divorce, job loss, child challenges, or other unexpected events. What we know but tend to forget is that it’s not the events themselves but how we respond that shapes our future.

When your inner control freak is leading, it’s easy to want to resist feeling. After all, feelings are inefficient and can make us feel out of control.

I’ve learned, however, that grieving, crying, even shouting in my car, to a friend or therapist can be exactly what we need to release and get back into our flow. It’s essential to metabolizing this glorious, messy and bumpy roller coaster of life.

Once you feel the pain of an ending — unexpected or otherwise — look forward. Move into the unknown and step outside your comfort zone. Rebuild your life with faith that something better is already taking shape.

Remember, some of the hardest experiences become the biggest catalysts for change. Life’s unpredictability can be daunting and sometimes breathtaking. You are not alone. Start small to regain your footing: make your bed, take your supplements, drink a liter of water before 8:00am and take one step at a time.

Embrace the journey. One day, you’ll look back and be thankful that things didn’t go as planned. You’ll see that the life unfolding before you is far better than the one you envisioned.

Today, as we celebrate Father’s Day, let’s also acknowledge the fathers and father figures in our lives who embody resilience and adaptability. Let’s borrow strength knowing that they too likely experienced plenty of uncertainty and plans upended. Take a moment to appreciate the lessons they’ve taught us about letting go and trusting the journey.

Finally, remember this: You’re worthy of new beginnings and you’re more okay than you think you are. Keep the faith that the best is before you. It’s unfolding perfectly and on time according — perhaps not to your plan but — to your destiny!

All my best,

~Rita

The Paradox Of Endings and New Beginnings

This week I celebrated my second daughter’s graduation from high school. She’s worked hard over these last four years and is ready for new beginnings when she heads to college in August. I’m both proud and happy for her.

The thing about new beginnings though is that they require something else to end.

In many ways, this ending is what her dad and I have been preparing for these last 18 years. Like many endings we face in life, this one is bittersweet. I must allow for two things to be present: the sadness associated with ending a time I loved raising her in our home and the celebration of her evolvement and success.

I know it’s time for new chapters — both hers and my own. And once again I am being called to answer the question, what do I want now? What do I want in this next chapter? Maybe you’re feeling called to answer the same question.

Fortunately, summertime has arrived. For me, summer has always been a time to slow down, reset, reflect, find joy in little adventures, and even experience a bucket list moment. This summer I’m going to enjoy one of those by traveling with my 79-year-old mother and two daughters to view the art and history of Italy.

While planning our visit, my oldest daughter, who is already studying abroad, reminded me to leave time for the unplanned. “Mom, don’t plan it all,” she said, as I asked her thoughts on the tours I’d scheduled. “It’s fun to just walk around and explore.” Ah. I knew she was right. I was grateful for the reminder.

A part of me is always seeking the simple, more serene life while another part tends to want to move quickly, and efficiently, preparing to get the next thing accomplished so I will be ‘prepared’ to enjoy the future. But as I was reminded by my daughter who will be leaving in just a couple of months, the moment I’ve been preparing for — and always am — is now.

A long time ago I learned to relax into whatever’s happening. Struggling against reality is exhausting and with profoundly disappointing results. Sometimes this is easier for me to do than others.

As I come off the high of the graduation celebration this weekend, I am not certain exactly of how the new puzzle pieces will fit together. But I do know what I want for sure this summer.

I want to slow down. I want more simplicity — more serenity, more presence. To me, that means more long walks. More deep talks. I want to take in every moment I have with my daughter before she leaves. This summer I vow to enjoy more of the things I did as a kid — dipping my toes in the ocean, cannonballing into a pool, sitting in silence in the early morning hours as the sun rises, eating a DQ with the car windows down and singing along to country music I love.

Sometimes it takes time for our hearts to accept what our mind already knows. Whatever ending you’re facing, give yourself grace and give yourself time.

Endings and goodbyes can be hard, but they do clear the way for a fresh start and for something more when we are ready.

We don’t know what is on the other side yet, but just like all of the other endings in my life, there was something equally beautiful — or better — on the other side.

Here’s to living in the paradox of endings and new beginnings. And leaving room for the unplanned while leaping into what calls you next and those places you’ve never been yet.

If you’re like me and feeling called to slow it down this summer, I offer you this poem, Slow Me Down, Lord, by Wilferd A. Peterson, to use as your daily reminder.

SLOW ME DOWN, LORD

Slow me down, Lord.

Ease the pounding of my heart by quieting my mind.

Steady my hurried pace with a vision of the eternal reach of time.

Give me, amid the confusion of the day, the calmness of the everlasting hills.

Break the tension of my nerves and muscles with the soothing music of the singing streams that live in my memory.

Help me to know the magical, restoring power of my sleep.

Teach me the art of taking “minute vacations” of slowing down to look at a flower, to chat with a friend, to pat a dog, to read a few lines from a great book.

Slow me down. Lord, and inspire me to send my roots deep in the soil of life’s enduring values, that I may grow toward the stars of my greater destiny.

~ Wilferd A. Peterson

Cheers to summer,

~Rita

Not Another Thing

“Rita”, she said, “You must embrace that you are worthy of unconditional love.”

‘What did she just say?!?’ I thought to myself as I sat in my first experience with a life coach over 25 years ago.

I’d decided to meet this woman after hearing about her and this young profession from a friend. My intention of the meeting was that she would help me identify a more satisfying career.

My first assignment, however, startled me: embrace that you are worthy just as you are.

Besides the fact that it felt uncomfortable, what did that have to do with me getting a satisfying career — or anything else I wanted for that matter?

What I hadn’t seen before was that most of my life I had been hustling to achieve, please and get it right because on a deep level I hadn’t believed I was worthy. Instead, I believed that if I accomplished and achieved enough I’d get there — I would be enough.

My belief had driven me to spend long hours perfecting my work, working out constantly, taking on assignments I didn’t want and accepting invitations I’d rather have declined.

Of course, I hadn’t seen any of this at the time, but it made sense. As long as I could remember, even after accomplishing a bunch of things or that one big thing, I didn’t feel the way I thought I’d feel —something always felt like it was still missing.

At the time of my meeting with this coach, I thought it was a different or better career that would give me the satisfaction and fulfillment I was yearning for.

So why am I sharing this and what does this have to do with you, your career, business or leadership?

What I am seeing today is that for many at this stage in their career and life, they are realizing that despite having accomplished those things that they thought would make them finally feel fulfilled or satisfied, they’re still missing the feeling of internal satisfaction.

And it’s frustrating because they’ve done all the things society told them to do and be, but they are not feeling what they thought they’d feel.

If you’re an entrepreneur, boss, or leader of a team and you have the title and the business results, but you struggle feeling worthy enough or you regularly deal with imposter syndrome, it will show up in your decision-making. You’ll second guess yourself, stagnate, possibly sabotage yourself and for sure keep hustling to feel that you are enough. If you’re stubborn like me, you may even do it until your body completely shuts down and forces you not to work so hard — or at all.

Let’s be clear, in all my years nobody has ever come to me saying they have a self-worth problem. Most — just like I did — believe they have a career problem, business problem, relationship or leadership problem — never a self-worth problem.

But by the numbers as Jamie Lima Kern reports in her new book, Worthy, 90% of women struggle with not feeling enough. 73% of female account executives battle with imposter syndrome and 70% of men have feelings of being inadequate.

These are big numbers!

So how do you know if you are struggling with not feeling enough?

If you struggle with speaking up in the big meeting, asking for what you want, resting, raising your hand for a new role, saying what you think, promoting yourself, enjoying who you are, holding a boundary, or working less — believing you are enough may be a place to explore.

When we feel worthy we overcome performance anxiety, we act on our great ideas, we face obstacles head on, we are generous with others, and we make better decisions. When we feel worthy we see things accurately and can enjoy what we have created without needing to do another thing.

What I am saying is we can spend our lives seeking the next level of accomplishments and we can do all the things we think will help us, for example, to slow down at work, but if we don’t believe that deep down we are worthy enough of working less — or in my case of a satisfying career — it will never happen.

Trying to feel fulfilled by accomplishing more is like threading a needle while wearing boxing gloves. It’s impossible, because while achievement can make you feel a lot of things — strong, proud, empowered, self-confident — it can never make you feel worthy.

I’m not saying that going after our goals and aspirations isn’t great, but when it is motivated by a belief that it will make us feel enough, we’re sure to be left unsatisfied.

The question we need to ask ourselves is what is our motivation for working so hard or seeking to achieve our next level. Is it for the joy of the experience? To test and know our edges? To make a positive difference? Or is it to fill a missing feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment within us?

The reason it matters is because nobody, no accomplishment, no external measure will ever give us that feeling, the unidentified missing feeling of fulfillment that we are enough as we are.

This is what my coach wanted me to get that first day. I’d made most of my decisions to that point based on the false belief that I was not enough, which had led me to making a series of poor decisions.

She wanted to make sure I didn’t continue that pattern as I made my next big decision.

We have to learn how to believe again that we are worthy. It’s not impossible. Since day one we’ve been worthy. It’s the world that convinced us we are not.

After having the honor and privilege to work with many people often much smarter than myself to improve their well-being and positive leadership imprint, I have learned that your self-worth is the foundation of your fulfillment. That you’ll never feel fulfilled without it.

The reality is that I still work on my self-worth everyday. I can see when I am stalling on an important decision, not accepting a challenge or not showing up as myself but as I think I should to get approval from others. It’s in these moments that I realize I am questioning my worth. It’s also then when I take a moment to do the very things I encourage my clients to do.

When you learn to feel that you are enough, it will allow you to stop working so hard. And while it may seem counter-intuitive, you’ll still be productive and achieve great things — you’ll just enjoy and be more satisfied while you do.

If you are someone who wants to slow down and enjoy what you have achieved, developing your self-worth is your first step.

One of my favorite ways to begin is with what I call a “Worthy List.” Start by noting what you want to do, feel, or experience. Write it down on a piece of paper or in a journal. Then in front of each of your desires, simply write, I am worthy to. It looks like this.

I am worthy to rest

I am worthy to sit still

I am worthy to be in this big meeting

I am worthy to take a vacation

I am worthy to sell this business

I am worthy to lead this account

I am worthy to be home in time for dinner

I am worthy to say what I want

I am worthy to step out of the office

I am worthy to say “no more” to the work that I don’t want to do

I am worthy to say “no thank you” to the invitation

Right now you are truly worthy exactly as you are, and it doesn’t mean you stop pursuing your goals, dreams and aspirations. It means you don’t pursue them with the belief that they will ever make you feel fulfilled. What you want is that when you do hit them, you are able to enjoy them. And if you don’t, you feel worthy, satisfied and fulfilled regardless!

Building your self-worth is the best decision you can make for your business, your team, your children, and your leadership.

There’s never been a better time to cultivate it!

All my best,

~Rita

Make This The Year You Break Your Rules

Years ago after I had my first child. I desperately needed some time of my own but whenever I had a babysitter I insisted that I had to be working. It was my rule that I had to be efficient with my time which meant no lallygagging.

Getting a manicure while a babysitter was there, for example, was a no-no. Then it occurred to me that I had made up this rule.

To have what I wanted only required me to permit myself. I was floored.

I wondered how many other rules I had made up that were holding me back from what I wanted.

I share this story because, at this time of year, there’s excitement to improve and create in ways that have never been — both at work and home.

I know it can sound funny at the stage of life you’re in to think you may be making up rules that are holding you back or not giving yourself permission to do or have what you want, but it happens all of the time without even knowing it.

It’s not that you’re not allowing it. It’s your brain trying to protect you from an unknown future which is exactly what our aspirations for the new year are.

Maybe you have a rule that…

Projects need to be perfect before they’re released

You have to be in the office for 10 hours a day to succeed

You can’t switch organizations or move states at this stage of your career

You can’t take a vacation abroad until you do X

You can’t show weakness to your team if you want them to respond

You have to talk to your children with strength so they respect you

Or you can’t buy the lake house or kind of car you want because it’ll appear you’re showing off your good fortune

All of these are rules I’ve heard recently that are holding individuals back from what they really would like to experience this year.

Here’s the thing.

Everything is doable but we have to notice where we’ve unwittingly put in place unsupportive rules and understand that we can break them. In fact, we need to break them and give ourselves full permission to have whatever it is we want.

This is where you begin to become an observer of yourself, your thinking, and the made-up rules that may not be working for you. Not only become an observer but a challenger of those rules.

So ask yourself what rules are you making up that if you broke them would allow for exactly what you want.

What one thing if you gave yourself permission would change everything?

The truth is the time is always right to begin. It doesn’t matter what day of the year it is. It only matters that you make today the day you give yourself permission for your ideas, your dreams, and your hopes.

Cheers to your extraordinary year ahead!

~Rita

A Simple Ritual To Close Out Your Year

It’s almost here!

There are just days before 2023 is in our rear-view window.

Before you say ‘goodbye’ to 2023, there is ONE thing for you to do before you ring in the new year and start making other plans.

Stop and look back at the fabulous things that have happened. It’s easy to overlook the amazing things you experience in our fast-driven world.

They are likely accompanied by some setbacks, disappointments, and losses too. That’s ok. It means you are in the arena and alive!

Take stock of it all to learn from the immediate past. Your observations, insights, and awarenesses. The ones you may not have caught without further reflection and introspection.

These experiences hold a treasure trove of wisdom IF you know how to find it.

You simply need the process to be a simple ritual. It will help you identify what it is you could do more of as well as what patterns of behavior cost you the most last year and need to be dropped as you head into 2024.

I call it the Post-Game Review and my clients and I do it every year to identify and record our one-sentence Success Formula.

All you need is a pen and ten minutes.

It’s pretty simple. It’s five steps. Here it is…

Step 1. Write down all of your “wins” and successes over the last year.

List 10-20 things that you achieved or experienced that make you feel good. Whether they’re large or small, own your best moments this past year.

Step 2. Now write down the mistakes or any setbacks you had in the past year.

What things didn’t go as well as you would have liked? Remember, those who don’t make mistakes, don’t create. Consider it a good thing to have this list.

Step 3. Next to every win and mistake, write down the “lesson” or the “gift” from each.

Nothing is a coincidence nor happens without reason or some value. What is the hidden meaning or opportunity from the experience? For example, if one of your wins was that you nailed a deliverable for a client or stakeholder, or conversely you made a mistake and didn’t get the help you needed to complete a project, the corresponding lesson might be the same: I am best when I identify and ask for the help needed to be successful.

Step 4. Look at your lessons and gifts.

What common theme do you see from both your wins and mistakes? Write down the 2-3 lessons that strike you as being most important to your wins and your mistakes. These may include things you want to keep doing or stop doing.

Step 5. Write your success formula.

Your final step is to write your success formula in one sentence. Write the 3-5 things that you see within the lessons that will be your directional beacon for success for the year ahead!

It’s fun and fast.

You may want to do this with a friend, family or team member! Creating meaningful conversation and support for those you care most about is a great exercise.

All my best to you in the year ahead!

~Rita

A Personal Note of Gratitude From Me

As I am thinking about what I am grateful for this week, one of those things is YOU.

When I started my coaching work 20+ years ago I made a commitment to do my best to help improve others’ well-being and performance so that together we could impact the lives of many more.

I vowed to do this one person at a time — even if it took me until I was 90!

Well, a lot has happened since those initial days when I left my corporate job all those years ago and I could never have done that without YOU!

The truth is — you are my inspiration every day when I sit down at my desk. You’ve made me a better person.

It’s at this time I want to thank you for…

Daring to do it your way

Being willing to be seen authentically

Exposing your truth even when it’s uncomfortable

Leading from vulnerability instead of vigilance

Taking action when it’s not easy

Being among the small percentage committed to living their dream

Getting back up after you fall

Speaking the truth when it’s unpopular

Not waiting until you’re confident or it’s the right time

Thinking bigger about your contribution to the world

Remaining calm in the midst of chaos

Being grateful for your blessings

Doing the work to let go of your past hurts

Seeking to master your emotions

Understanding others’ feelings and having compassion for them

Stepping through your fears and loving deeper…

And most importantly in the moments when you don’t do these things, love yourself anyway!

Thank you for recommitting day after day to bring your best to the world even on the days when it’s hard.

I am in deep gratitude that the stars aligned and we share this journey together.

Remembering at this time of unrest in our world that the most impactful way to change the world is to change ourselves!

The best is yet to come!

~Rita

Embracing the Power of Simplicity

When I write you each month there are times I don’t know what I will say. Then I ask myself what I need to hear at this time. What advice or inspiration do I want to hear? What do I need to practice? It’s then that my message comes to me.

No matter how I looked for something profound, I kept returning to what may sound simple.

I received a note from a friend this week. I only get to see her a couple of times a year but I love being with her wit, intelligence, humor, and heart. She lost her husband to brain cancer a few years ago. Her three kids are the same ages as mine. She tells me I’m an inspiration to her, but it’s she who is an inspiration to me.

She reminded me that I had given her a book this past summer that made an enormous impression on her. She wrote that she recently gave another copy of that exact book to a friend whose son had just been placed in a psychiatric Intensive Care Unit as a result of his intent to harm himself.

She ordered the book to the family. The family was so moved by the book that they obtained permission for the boy to keep it in the ICU where he is otherwise allowed nothing.

The book is called The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy. If you haven’t read it yet, I encourage you to do so. If you have read it, you already know it’s good to read it again.

It’s a story about four different and unlikely friends — the boy, the mole, the fox, and the horse — who meet along the way, each uniquely sharing their fears, hurts, friendship, and kindness.

The book is for everyone from eight to eighty as the author accurately shares within its first pages.

I read the book again this week. You can finish it in one sitting. As I did, I jotted down parts of the conversation between the unsuspecting friends who spoke to me. I wanted to share some of those with you in the event that they might speak to you too.

“One of our greatest freedoms is how we react to things.”

“Isn’t it odd? We can only see our outsides, but nearly everything happens on the inside.”

“Being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses.”

“Sometimes we all feel lost.”

“The truth is we are all just winging it.”

“Everyone is a bit scared, but we are less scared together.”

“‘What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said,’ asked the boy. ‘Help,’ said the horse.”

“When have you been at your strongest?” asked the boy. “When I have dared to show my weakness.”

“Life is difficult but you are loved.”

“Nothing beats kindness.”

“We are here to love and be loved.”

“When the big things feel out of control, focus on what you love right under your nose.”

Their conversation is simple — and profound. (Turns out those characteristics aren’t mutually exclusive.)

Unfortunately too often we humans tend to value the things that are big, complex, difficult, or grandiose.

We miss the magic of the small, easy, and simple exchanges in our everyday interactions. The things that are truly meaningful.

At this time of year, it is particularly easy to allow ourselves to get lost in the hype of big, difficult, and complex. “There’s so much to do,” we tell ourselves. We thereby cultivate the very existence we don’t want. We miss the parts that give life meaning.

This season I am committing to embrace more simplicity. To refrain from making things harder than they need to be and instead to connect more with others. To give a smile to a stranger. Share a favorite book with a friend. Say out loud the compliment I’m thinking in my head. Give my full attention to a child. Call a person who may be in need of a friend. Listen to where my intuition guides me.

In doing so, I know I’ll be in connection with the Divine, myself, and others. This is where life has meaning. This is what really fuels joy.

This week we began the sixth annual holiday drive for homeless students in my town. There currently are over 101 students in K-12 who are without a stable, adequate, or fixed home. We are looking to make sure each one of them goes home with something as they leave school to celebrate the holidays.

I like to think that perhaps their gift will remind them that they are not alone and that they are loved — even by strangers.

Keep it simple. We are all interconnected. Remember that your one small act of kindness may change — or save — a life.

And when life starts to feel heavy or unwieldy this season, I encourage you to open The Boy, the Mole, the Fox, and the Horse and read a page. I am confident its simplicity and truth will return you to your center and the simplicity you crave.

As the holidays approach, may we set the intention and make the choices to allow for more simplicity, ease, calm, connection, and gratitude for what is right before us.

Sending much love-

~Rita

P.S. If you’d like to give to students without a home, you can Venmo a donation to @EWTeam or contact me directly to find out more. This year we are qualified to receive corporate gifts and donations from foundations. Thank you!

The Power Of Your Peace

I’m diverting from what I was originally going to publish this week, to share what’s on my mind.

It’s hard to escape the pain and darkness of our world at this time. My thoughts are on our brothers and sisters in Israel and others in the region who are suffering greatly.

Then there’s the pain in our own communities. This week we unexpectedly lost a member of our community — a father, husband, business leader and friend — whose pain was too great to remain in this world.

Combine the world and community’s pain with our own personal challenges and it can be a lot.

In fact, it can be really easy in times like these to get pulled in, lost, and stuck in the senseless behavior and happenings of the world.

But it is in these times of extreme noise and chaos that I am reminded how important it is to slow down. To listen to my internal guidance instead of the noise that will leave me incapable of serving myself and others.

A shaman I apprentice with describes it like this. “Be in this world — not of this world.” When we are of this world we become lost and stuck in the craziness. Our nervous systems become fried. We become weak, sick and die. When we do this we cannot be truly helpful.

There is a LOT of evidence that demonstrates feelings are contagious. Much like a cold, they spread.

Doesn’t it make sense then that if we are to be truly helpful that maintaining inner peace be our #1 priority?

But how do we do that when the noise is so loud?

I’ve found creating a daily practice of peace is one way. Spending more time in gratitude. Taking 5 minutes to be still. Saying a prayer. Listening to soothing music. Taking a walk in nature. Setting an intention to bring peace to my relationships and interactions throughout the day. Knowing what takes me out of peace and being on the lookout to respond instead of react the next time I have a chance.

Thursday my husband spoke with a colleague in Israel who described what he and others are experiencing at this time. The man said his neighbor’s son was one of the soldiers killed in the initial attacks in the south of Israel. The family had a funeral at their home. My husband’s Israeli colleague said 3000 neighbors came to be with the family. He reported everyone is doing what they can for each other. They are giving extra. Truck drivers are leaving their roles to drive the tanks as women are volunteering to help with burying soldiers.

I think to myself if they can do that while in so much pain, can’t I take 10 minutes of my day to cultivate the peace within so I have it to give to others?

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state can result in large differences in a later state. What this means is that your smile to a stranger, your note of encouragement to a colleague, your extra patience with your child, your asking a friend “how are you really?” and listening to the response —- these things matter. They have the power to change the conditions of one person’s state which goes onto ripple out to 1000’s more.

At a time of senseless happenings and turmoil, be the peace that you and those around you need right now. Be in this world, not of this world. Don’t put your finger in the electrical socket.

We are able to lead and serve best when we are at peace. Being able to be at peace in the midst of chaos is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves, our friends, family members, and those across the sea.

Now more than ever find your practice that brings you peace. If you don’t have one, you can borrow St. Francis’ Peace Prayer.

And never underestimate your power to change a person or the world around you by the power of your peace.

The St. Francis Peace Prayer

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, and joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may never seek so much

to be consoled as to console,

to be understood as to understand,

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive,

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.