“Tension is who you think you should be, relaxation is who you are.”

~Chinese Proverb

In a conversation with my husband, I shared that I had missed a deadline to sign up for one of my kid’s activities, was behind on a work commitment, and was hyper-aware of all that needed to be accomplished before an upcoming event I was co-hosting.

I was noticeably hard on myself as I judged my lack of productivity and efficiency over the previous weeks.

My husband looked at me disturbed and said, “I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.” I recall looking back at him with an inquisitive — ‘What? That’s-how-you-get-life-done’ kind of look.

Later I sat down to think about what he’d said. Being hard on myself was a way I had used to motivate myself for years. It was so automatic that I didn’t notice all the ways I was rough on myself — I pushed myself to work long hours, follow through on commitments to others while breaking ones to myself, and made myself go faster when I really needed to slow down. Thinking about it made me both tired and sad. Now I noticed how this relentless pressure on myself didn’t just affect me. It was negatively influencing those around me as well. I knew I had work to do — and it wasn’t on my missed deadlines.

Perhaps you can relate.

As a leader, you’re no stranger to high expectations. Perhaps you too push yourself to perform extraordinarily, demand the best, and hold yourself accountable at every turn.

But here’s a truth that high achievers overlook: self-criticism doesn’t fuel success – self-compassion does.

Too often, we equate self-worth with achievement, believing that if we push harder, we’ll finally feel “enough.”

But what if the way you’ve been taught to succeed is the very thing that keeps you from what you truly want?

What if the real key to sustainable success, a meaningful life, and great leadership isn’t more pressure, but more grace?

The most effective leaders aren’t the ones who are always productive and never fall; they’re the ones who rise and lead with self-trust, resilience, and self-kindness.

Here are ways to lead with more self-compassion…

• Call it – Acknowledgement is powerful. The critic is a bully that we set up to motivate us and loses its density when we name it.
• Reframe the mistake – Instead of dwelling on mistakes, ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? And what do I want now?” Then move forward with self-trust.
• Reassure yourself – Self-soothe with one or two words in those moments you feel the pressure on yourself. “You’re OK,” “It’s OK” or “Soften” are a few I use. Find the one that speaks to you.
• Prioritize rest as much as productivity – The best leaders know that their energy is their greatest currency. They take care of their most valuable asset. How often do you give yourself permission to pause and refuel?

​Notice the personal and professional advantages that play out as you focus on self-compassion this week. It’s important because others are watching you!

All my best,

~Rita

P.S. Discover new ways to practice living to your potential and a deeply meaningful life. Schedule a Session to talk with me about getting your inner game advantage!